I believe cheaters are creatures of habit. Once stepping over the line, they take so little thought for their spouses and children.

There is always an exception, but unless one is truly remorseful, I see no future for the victim with the cheater.

Good counselors are out there for victims who are trying to deal with the fallout of the actions of the cheaters. But if the cheater was'nt honest enough to keep their vows, how can a counselor instill this in them? If it's not there, you can't force it there.

Knowing that cheaters are dishonest, One knows they will lie. How can you trust them when they tell you they want to work things out, and will never do it again?

My heart goes out to the victims, I have seen one true course in dealing with cheater. Break ties with them as soon as you have proof they are cheating. Why would one want to live with someone they can never trust? There is no happiness or future with them. Trying to raise children in this enviroment is usually a mistake as well.

I have been married for almost 8 years now, and until about 1 year ago, I have never known my husband to ever lie to me. But then I can't even say he lied then. When I suspected something because he was acting weird for about a month, I asked him and he sang like a canary. He had a one night stand, he told me with who, when, and where. There was no question he would not answer. I will never make excuses for his behavior, because it almost destroyed this family that means the world to me. We did go counseling and it did help alot. He never blamed what happened on me, took full responsibility for his actions, and has been remorseful. But yet do I trust him fully yet? No I can't say I do, but I won't let it rule my every thought or life for that matter. I have to say somewhere in our lives every person we love and trust has done something (maybe not intentional) has let us down. That's because we are all human and make mistakes. I really do believe my husband loves me and our daughter, and did he really want to hurt me, no he didn't. He did though and he has to live with that for the rest of his life. Even though we have been rebuilding our relationship, I don't think he has forgiven himself. He's always been a good man, takes care of us by working 2 jobs to pay for our daughter's medicine and doctor bills, but he made one huge mistake. He's not perfect and he will never be perfect and neither am I. But I really need to believe that he really did just make a bad mistake and will be sorry for the rest of his life, and never let that happen again. We have too much love between us to let this ruin us. Like I said before, I won't make excuses for his behavior, and boy has ever paid for his behavior, but for this bad mistake I hope something good can come out of it.

Cheating is not a mistake. It is a conscience action to gratify an urge.

If your spouse is remorseful, you are lucky. Most victims of infidelity do not get the truth, and live with suspicion. There are always exception to most rules. I go with the odds of what I have seen and dealt with when I give a victim advice. Most cheaters are deceptive and most will repeat.

I agree with you on one point, anger is a good tool to get one through such things. But one can't let the anger rule the rest of their life.
Each person has to make their own decisions in what they feel is best for them. It's harder when children are involved.

Life is too short to live in misery. There is life out there if one chooses to go find it.

Things are not always black and white. There is a gray area. Anger is not what got me through this. Love did. Love for my family and my friends. Whether I have a child or not, I stayed for me. I stayed for the love, the good times we have, the bad ones where we only had each other to lean on, and because I really do believe people make mistakes and sometime those mistakes have nothing to do with us, but everything that the person is going through. If my husband gave up on me for every bad decision I made, shit, he would have left me a long time ago. I never cheated on him, but I've made some dumb mistakes. I have forgiven him and her and everyday we continue to work on our marriage and love each other more. I have peace within myself and if the time comes where he does this again, then I'll leave with a clean mind and heart.

I don't view cheating as a mistake. Dinging the car is a mistake. Burning dinner is a mistake. Losing ones keys is a mistake.

Cheating is a conscience decision to wrong someone. There is no difference in a big lie or a little lie. Dishonesty is dishonesty.

Like I said before, he didn't lie to me. Do I think he purposesly set out to hurt me? No!!! You have no right to sit there and judge. You do not know us or our spouses. God is the only one who has the right to judge us. It was a mistake, burning dinner is not, because if that's the case he would be pissed all the time. But he loves me for it anyway. We are here to support each other and whatever decision someone makes I'd stand behind them. We are all human and only really mentally ill people set out to purposely hurt someone. We are here to be listeners and maybe offer advice. If someone decides to take it - good - if not that's totally up to them. No right or wrong here on this site.

Mad... You're my girl!! Always on the money with your responses!!

I only judge the actions, Your judging my opinions. Only You have the right to do so? If I don't agree with something you post that's judging? But if you don't agree, well that's different?

The prison system is full people who are not mentally ill who chose to take an action which hurt other people.

If one is to advise other people, advice must vary and contain truth based on facts and statistics. Anyone who disagrees with what my opinions can research the figures. They are easy to find. Just as one should'nt tell a dying man, "Everythings going to be all right."
Advice must contain truth, not diluted nor sugarcoated.

What has worked in your situation may not work for the majority of others. And just as your posts states, I only give advice, no one has to follow it. They can view a variety of opinions and choose to follow whichever they think is right for them.

If what you state is true, no right or wrong, then how do you attack my opinions???

One must live by the same advice they give others or it was'nt worth reading.

I did not attack your opinion in your thread, I only made a statement.
And by the way you posted in my thread.

You can post your opinion all you want. Go for it. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying to come out straight forward and say the cheaters will keep cheating is judging. And if you think I was attacking you, boy oh boy, then you don't know me, because if I was attacking you everyone would know it. And there is no right or wrong on this site, because whatever someone may do leave or stay for whatever reasons, we are hear to listen and be supportive of each other. It's for someone to get their true feelings out in the open and have people who have been through the same thing understand and know what they are going through. We let them know we have the same feelings or had the same feelings that they are going through now. That is very comforting. I do believe people can change and we work through problems and God willing we learn from every mistake. And as far as someone we love purposely hurting us, I don't believe it. If they do, something is very wrong somewhere. Maybe I just try to see the good in everybody that might be my mistake.

Ahh but yes you did judge my post and my opinion. Can't have it both ways. If you have something that there is no right or wrong in then what worth is it?

You quoted God in your post. Don't quote that in the same post where you say there is no right or wrong. You only stated your opinion and mine was different. You did'nt agree so I was wrong in my opinion.

Some people do change. Most do not. If this was not so this site would not be here. If this was not so, the divorce rate would not be so high. The figures are out there for any one to check.

Since this site is anonymous and the posts are in general, One cannot judge an individual. I only judge the actions of the whole. I stay with odds. These are only my opinions but who are you to say I'm wrong and your right? If you own this site I will gladly leave.

If it is not a free speech site then it's not worth being in. Truth is the only thing that is unchangeable. I came here to tell victims that have been cheated on, Misery is not life. One can change that. One can find happiness after a devastating relationship.
So judge away. I am thick skinned. If Admin does'nt think my posts are approiate, then I will leave.

No mistakes Mad...Seeing the good in everyone is a quality trait in my opinion, its how God wants us to view the mess this world is in, no matter how bad it gets, we ( the strong) must remain positive and have faith, Faith that Gods love instills in us! I have to wonder about the posts here , those of us who made the choice to be on this website, had a good thing going, we were all very supportive and understanding of EVERYONE..i had thought that was the entire purpose of this site, now i have to wonder.............

Everyone has to agree with a few's opinions?
Your story worked out for you. But what of all the other stories that did'nt work out. What about the marriages where the husband or wife continues to deny the infidelity? Do you think that everyone who cheats on their spouse is willing to change? I am not so naive to believe that burying one's head in the sand and refusing to face reality will change things.

Your story will not work for every poster who comes here. You stated that your husband did admit to you what he did. You state that he was remorseful and wanted to change. Do you think that every cheater will do this? How many do you think there are that are not willing to change and only became humble due to getting exposed?

That being said, My advice will not work for everyone either. As I said there are exceptions to every statistic or rule.

I am not attacking the fact that you felt that you did what you thought you should.
There does'nt seem to be many posts here. A victim of cheating should feel that someone not only will listen but will stand for something that is right. True it is only an idea. Maybe it's wrong. Maybe it's not. Everyone is not as strong as you state you are. People are looking for advice coming here. They should have a choice in what they hear. I have never said you and your buddy are wrong. You both were quick to say I was. People need a choice.

For the last time, I'm not judging you. But I can't believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Maybe the statistics do show that, I'll grant you that but I really do believe people can change. To me the reason for the high divorce rate is because we are way off on what's really important in life. Way back when when things were really simple, nobody was trying to keep up with the neighbors, and it seems to me when bad time hits, people hit the road. State your opinions all you want, but I will use God because he is the one I pray to everynight to live a good life, do the right things, and help me along this journey. And whatever he has in store for me I hope I do the right thing. God does forgive all and I know he sees the good in all of us even when some others don't. Let's agree to disagree on your statement once a cheater always a cheater.

Quoting God is a good thing. But as the Bible tells us of the history of this Earth, It does state the meek will inherit the Earth. But down through the ages God had warriors as well in his camp. How many towns and peoples were ordered destroyed? Women, children and animals. Take no spoils.

God made us all creatures of choice. God will not force his will on individuals. If your standing in the middle of the highway and see a diesel truck bearing down on you, does he avert the truck?
Did he give you sense and the ability to get out of the path of the truck? If I'm wrong go test this one.

It basically comes down to the fact that we are all INDIVIDUALS, with our own choices in life to make, and if we choose one path or the other, Let God be our judge, and we shouldn't have to listen to OTHERS go on and on about what a mistake we're making! I speak my mind, for myself, and its not about being right or wrong, its about being ourselves and doing whats right for us! This is our life, after all, and we must do what we feel inside is right, others have the same choices to make obviously, and for whatever reason they choose, i hope and pray its the right one for them! Being judgemental does what good...anyone have an answer for that? We get the right to choose how to live our own lives and with whom...Lucky US

Way to go girl!!! My girlfriend has been married for over 20 years, no infidelity, no drama about anything anywhere. She's led a great life, wise beyond her years and she once said to me if you didn't like someone because they did this or that you wouldn't have anyone in your life, and maybe learning from someone else's mistake or their life experiences can make your life richer and teach us about compassion.

I learned the hard way...many moons ago, i would never let anyone even think they got the better of me, and my mouth got me into more trouble than i ever thought possible, once i realized the error of my ways, i WISED up! And now who's in my life, are there because i want them to be, and who's not included are the ones who simply can't vibe with me on the level i have chosen for myself!! If i hadn't said it before...i am saying it now...I am blessed even more so today for having met you here online weeks ago! You're so welcome in my world my friend!

Ahh but it was you who said, and I quote, " There is no right or wrong in this site."
Now which is it? You said that to me, now you say different. You have a right to sway with the wind. Every person has the right to be wrong about some issue. You have that right as well.
Freedom of speech. Remember?

Not hacking, just asking.

Ahh but this is an unbiblical statement. The scripture said, If thou see thy brother in danger of fire and damnation, warn him.

Not my words, but from God whom you quoted.

Not hacking, just asking.