Hi my name is Andrea. I have been married now for 8 years. We have 4 kids. 14 year old son (from my first marriage), a 5 year old girl and 3 year old twin boys. My husband has never been hands on with the kids and he "golfs" on most of his days off.

Here is where it all started...I noticed a phone number ALL OVER HIS PHONE (no name given to it like all the other friends and family)! I have *67'd this number a bunch only to find EVERY SINGLE TIME a women answered. I hung up. I finally got her voice mail and got her name. Then 3 days ago my husband and I were in the kitchen and his cell phone rang and it was "that" number. He says "It's Rob". I said "NO IT'S NOT!" he answered the phone MADE PLANS FOR THIS WEDNESDAY and hung up and said to me "Oh that was Scott we are golfing on Wednesday!"....HOLY SH&T!!! NOW WHAT? Do I follow him? Do I "suprise" him and say I got a babysitter and I am golfing with you guys today?

THIS SUCKS...

Wow - I'm sorry Andrea.

This brings out the sneaky in me, so I'll tell you what I'd do; First, put a keylogger on the computer (refog.com worked for me). This should capture whatever he's doing online (chats, email, etc.). Second, get a VAR (voice activated recorder - office depot for $50 - $100) and velcro it under the drivers seat of his car. This should capture his side of any conversations he has in the car. Third, get a GPS unit and put it in his trunk - one you can check online to see where it goes - where HE goes. And fourth, I'd have a close friend over for coffee on the day he's going to play 'golf' (If you invite yourself on Wednesday, the golf outing will be canceled at the last minute and you'll be no closer to knowing anything). Have that friend over before he leaves (so he thinks your occupied and committed to your afternoon), and give him a 20 minute head start (or however long it takes it to stop if you can't check the location on your phone, like if you don't have an iphone or droid that works with the GPS unit). Check the GPS units location online to find out where he's gone, borrow your friends car (so he doesn't see your car) and go to wherever he's gone. With a camera - one with a telephoto lens if you can get one. Take pictures. Let your friend know what's up before hand so you can go without too many questions.

Do not confront unless you can catch him in the act. For example, if he goes to a motel, park in front of room he's in and wait for them to come out and see if they give each other a goodbye kiss. Of just listen at the door, and if you hear 'noises', go ahead and knock. If he goes to someone's house, don't knock, don't confront, just take pictures. When he leaves, if you can't beat him home, call your friend and tell her to tell him that you ran to the store. When you get home, ask him how golf was - if he says he was golfing, ask for specific details of the game. Let him paint an elaborate picture of his day, and then ask him to get the f*ck out. Do not tell him why, let him wonder what the hell is going on for once.

Also - go through your phone records to see how much contact they've had, the credit card and bank statements to see if there are questionable expenses, and so on. Build your own picture of what you KNOW, and that will help you see if he's lying or not - like if his stories don't match the phone / bank / internet records.

The thing is Andrea, if you can't catch him in the act, if you don't have hard proof, he'll lie and make up whatever he has to. He'll say he was getting clubs at the girls house, or that "Scott" said to meet him there but canceled, or ... well, he'll make up something and even if you know it's a lie you'll have no proof. All you'll know is that he wasn't where he said he said was, not what he was doing. Not really anyway - and cheaters are exceptional excuse makers. You need hard, undeniable proof if you want this to end. And understand, if he's cheating on you, he's not going to do anything he hasn't already done so stopping him before you get proof will only hurt YOU and prolong whatever it is he's doing. So get the proof before you confront. And if you get the proof, come back here and we'll try to help you through it (before you confront if you don't actually catch him with his pants down).

Until then, try to maintain an appearance that everything's OK, or tell him you're sick.

Final warning - do NOT get violent or lose your cool. As hard as that will be if you catch him, it's more important than anything else if you want to save your marriage (or end it on your terms) and stay out of jail. DO NOT get violent, shout, use profanity, or break down. Keep it classy. It's the best revenge. I promise.