Hi. My name is Yvette. I'm seventeen years old. When I was thirteen I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. I broke into his email address.
I was moritfied: there were pictures of him in the act and emails he had sent to prositiutes arranging meetings.
But still I was torn. I felt like by telling my mom, I was betraying my dad, but by not acting, I was still at fault.
When I was fifteen I emailed my Dad telling him I knew and that he should tell my mom. He gulit tripped me into not telling. He changed his email password, and now I have neither proof that he did it in the past nor proof that he still does it today. However, I believe he still does.
Ever since he has treated my very badly. I feel like he doesn't love me.
Now should I tell my mom? I'm almost afrail of what my father would do. He is quick-tempered and thick-muscled.
This has been tearing me apart, driving me mad, sending me on a roller coaster of highs and lows, in and out of denial, for almost five years.
I've told my best friend about it, but it doesn't really help.
What should I do? Should I tell my mother or not? PLEASE HELP ME!
I don't want an answer like "only you know the right path" or any of that garbage. I need real advice.
This is my father, the man responsible for my existence. I have three siblings, one younger, two older. I would be responsible for tearing my family apart.
My father and my mother argue plenty, but I doubt she knows what's gong on.
Please help me, a sad, confused, torn seventeen year old girl.

Yvette,

This is a tough situation to be in at your age or any age for that matter and too heavy of a burden for you to carry alone, if your gut/intuition tells you or has told you to tell your mother even though you know what this is going to do to your family you must, it is something that your mother must deal with and you are not to blame for what your father is doing and honestly he is being a total jack ass for treating you like he has for something that HE is guilty of not you, this is complete bs.

You are going to need to go to counseling once you do tell because its going to be a heavy responsibility and blame may come to you from may sides of the family but what your father is doing is wrong worst yet he is not just having an affair with just any other woman he is getting involved with prostitutes that carry diseases which could if it hasn't already affect your mom's health.

Unfortunately for your whole family the truth is that what your father is doing to your mother has got to come to light. Let her know about this site so that she can seek help here there are many people that can give her advise or just listen to her vent.

The whole family will need counseling and what ever you do DO NOT blame yourself and do not let your father make you feel guilty you have done nothing wrong.

Let your mom know without confronting your dad, let her seek evidence for herself before she jumps into conclusions if she wants evidences tell her to come here and many people here know what to do to catch him either thru computer key loggers or recording devices that can be put on his phone or in his car (spy ware) the real kind is out there and many people here know about it. I don't because I caught my husband without it.

You've carried this burden way too long and your mom may ask you why you didn't tell her sooner. Be prepared she and the family are going to be heart broken but your father is putting your whole family at risk with what he is doing she needs to know.

I'm really sorry he's done this to you.

keep us posted we will continue to help you.

Imelda

Thanks ofr the advice. Deep down I know that I should tell my mom, but I don't know how.
I've played the situation over in my head hundreds of times. I just can't find any words suitable for this.
What's the proper way to tell my mother that the love of her life, he husband for 26 years, cheats on her (or at least used to)?

Yvette, I am so sorry that you are having to face this at such a young age. It is a tremendous weight to have to carry.

I can think of two options to telling your mother, but I am sure the others will come along and offer more advice. Weekends are slower around here, so be patient.

The first option is to speak to your school counselor, or see a therapist. There are many that offer sliding fee scales, and several that are no charge. Get the help of the school counselor or therapist in dealing with what you've been through, and then together you can tell your mom. She may or not believe you. You need the strength and support you can receive with a professional. Also, I am sure that your mother has noticed that your dad is treating you differently. That could be the piece of the puzzle that helps things fall into place for her to be able to hear it and accept it.

The second option is to print out what you've written here, and write her a long letter. Espress to her what happened, how this has been eating you up, how your dad has treated you, and your worries for her in telling her. Don't try to say the right things, just speak from your heart and let it flow. Let her know that you found this forum as you were seeking help and support. If she chooses to come here, she will also receive a lot of support. Let her know that you love her and are there to support her.

What is your relationship like with your mother? Are you close?

I am so, so sorry that you are having to carry this. You need to be able to tell your mom so that you can be free of the weight and begin to heal yourself.

If you are unsure if she will believe you, consider installing a keylogger on the computer, if your dad uses it at home. That will capture passwords and screen shots, so you will have the proof to show your mom. Don't tell anybody you are doing it to avoid it going further underground.

You will be ok honey. It will take time, but you will be ok and so will your mom.

My relationship with my mother is healthy, obviously better than with my father. I think I've pushed for a stronger maternal bond due to my lack of a paternal one.
I've considered writing a long letter, but I think I should do it in person.
What is a keylogger? It sounds like something I should try.
Thanks again for all of the support

Yvette

A keylogger is a program that you can either purchse and load, or purchase and download to the computer that will log every keystroke. It can also provide 'screen shots' of the websites visited, emails, etc. You can get passwords to emails, sites visited, etc., and there are some very good ones that can't be 'seen' to anybody using the computer.

My son has a good one that is free. He is a total computer techie. As soon as he is home tonight, I will ask him for a link to it and will post it here.

I am very glad to hear that you have a good relationship with your mom. That will help both of you help each other through this.

Please reach out to your school counselor.

Tell your mother.

A discussion board isn't the right place for you to get advice, you need someone in your "real life" to help you through this.

Tell your mom. Nothing about this is your fault. The person who is at fault is your father. He is the one who made poor choices, he has to live with the consequences. Not mistakes, poor choices. There are big differences.

If you feel that you are in anyway in danger from your father's reactions, arrange to stay at a friend's house for a day or two. Write a letter, and have your mom then meet you at a coffee shop to talk, or talk away from the house, and away from your father.

You stay away, and you keep yourself safe. You take no blame, you have done nothing wrong.

Use resources at school to help you. And use resources in your real world to help you - not the computer. There are things in your real world that can hurt you, you need things that can help. PM me if you need me to help you google stuff in your area. Never tell anyone on line your name, your specific location, or anything identifying.

You take care of yourself.

((Yvette))

Well, if you hadn't guessed already, Yvette isn't my real name.
I wouldn't give it out online, especially in a situation like this!
Reaching out to a counselor at my school really isn't the best option for me. My mother and my guidence councelor are not on the best of terms, you could say. My mother thinks she is rather incompitent, and I'd probably agree with her.
Obviously you can see my degree of despiration if I'm really trying to seek advice from strangers on the internet.
Thanks for everything though, really. It's quite difficult for me not to blame myself fir this.

Yvette, you have a close relationship with your mom. Can you just sit down and talk with her and tell her what's happened? Explain to her how your dad has been treating you since you confronted him, what your fears are, and that you need to help each other.

Do you have an aunt, grandparent, or close family friend you can confide in for support if your school counselor isn't an option?

Yvette,

Again you need to realize that this is not your fault it is all your fathers bad choices you are not responsible for his actions all you did was catch him at what he was doing and believe me he was bound to get caught sooner or later if not by you then maybe by your mother.

Honestly the best approach is for you to talk to your mother directly but make sure you choose a place where your father is not going to interrupt maybe if you can get her to take you shopping and you can sit her down and talk to her somewhere privately.

You just need to be honest and tell her what happened and how you found out and if she want evidence for her self she can come here where others here will give her advise on what she can do to catch him herself, she doesn't even have to tell him anything about you telling her she can keep that to herself.

She really should find all the evidence on her own she needs to take it from there and leave you out of it, matter of fact she really shouldn't let you know what she's doing once she takes over you have done your part in telling her. Of course she will need you for moral support but that's all you can do for her.

I know that this isn't going to be easy for you to do but you can't keep this from her any longer your father is putting her health at risk with what he is doing.

Your mother needs to know what your father is up to and make a decision on her own of what she wants to do with her marriage.

If it means anything to you in my own marriage things did get worse before they got better but it did get better but they didn't change for the better until I found out what my husband was up to.

Keep us posted or have your mom post when you have talked to her.

regards,
Imelda

You know, it was really stupid for me to actually believe strangers online would really help me with this. Nobody can help me with this: not some stupid therapist, certainly not my parents, not my friends, not even me.
Did you really think I'd tell my mom because random adults I don't even know telll me to? I've been doing this for years. 'm not psychologically altered, I'm not socially unaccaptable, I'm not an outsider at my school.
I would feel ridiculous guilt by acting and I still feel guilt by not acting. There's no way for me to win. That's just it. I've known this for years, but I still try to find a way around it. There is none!
-"Yvette"

There is always a way out Yvette, even if it is not what you want, or want to hear.

'And the truth shall set them free...'

Yvette,
I am so sorry that I have not written you.
My father cheated on my mother her whole marriage to him and it was 30 years.
I knew too, and my mother knew....your mother probably knows.

My mother was a beautiful woman and could have found someone special when she was young. But, some women stay and outsiders can never understand why.

My mother stayed because she was afraid she could not make it on her own.

When I was 21, I was leaving the house, I had gotten my degree in nursing and was finally getting my own apartment. My mother was crying and saying, "Please, don't leave...he will beat me again." I got out of my car and I went up to my father and I said, "I am leaving now. And you will not lay a hand on her...if you do, I will get the men in white coats to come get your crazy butt!"

He never hit her again, but continued to run around on her.

Finally, he told her that he thought a divorce for six months would be good for both of them. He said, " we will use the same attorney and I will pay the fees. That way you don't have that kind of expense." My mother worked as a grocery cashier and had no benefits and made low wages. Finally, my family got together for a dinner without my dad. My mother announced to all of us...four kids....that they would be getting the divorce but it would only be for six months and to make things simple, my dad would keep all of the assets and to make it look like they were serious he would sign papers that she would get $100 per month for 18 months. I was beside myself. I said, "Mom, why can't you take half of the assets and then when you all get back together youcan put the assets back together?" My siblings attacked me and said you are always making trouble. This is how they want to work it out and you should stay out of it.
I said, You all are going to feel awful if you see another woman in a house that rightfully belongs to mom with a big diamond ring and she is taken care of.

I got thrown out of my sister's house that day.

Well, six months to the day the divorce was granted, my father called me and said, Guess what? I got married today. You need to tell your mother.

I went to my mother's place and waited for her. When she got home, she was so happy to see me and said come in and I will fix you something to eat.

I said, Mom, I have something to tell you. Daddy got married today.

She fell on the floor and cried and cried. I was so sad for her....she really believed him.

Well, Finally, she said, Now I know why he did what he did.

I said what did he do?
She said, He came to me a couple of weeks ago and said sign this paper for the rest of the alimony....(he still owed her $1200)... I will then get to take it off of my income tax and when I get my return I will pay you.

My mother signed.

After she told me this, I called him. I said, Please tell me you are going to pay Mother what you owe her!

He said, People in this world take advantage of people like your mother, if it wasn't me it would be someone else and it might as well be someone in the family benefit.


I got my mother a job in the dietary department at the hospital I worked at so that she could have benefits.
I did not speak to my dad for 3 years. But my siblings, being concerned about inheritance, kept close contact with him and overlooked what he had done.

Yvette, You cannot make your mother take a stand, but you can be there to support her when she hurts. I tried to take a stand for my mother and I was ostracized for a long time. My father left me nothing when he died....my brother and my sister left with their cars so loaded down, they were weighted down.

I would do it again. Inheriting something at the expense of my mother would not be worth it.

I hope my experience lets you see that if you try to do anything it may not work out.

I am still here for my mother. She is 83 and she tells me all the time that she remembers everything I tried to do for her. She always says. You were right and no one wanted to listen.

I bought my mother a car when she was 70. I take her watermelon when they are in season...she loves watermelon. I bought her some clothes the other day.

My father's widow....who got everything that was my mother's...is alive today. She has plenty of money and no worries.

I try to help my mother even now. I treat her whenever I can.

You must be there for your mother. Be her rock when she is down. I know that your father running around hurts you as well...mine sure hurt me. I wanted a stable loving family and I never had that. If you need me if YOu want to PM me I will be happy to help you.

Or keep writing here and I will let you vent.

The people here want to help. They told you to tell your mother because if they were your mother they would want you to tell them. But, again, I believe she knows.

Yvette, you are a strong beautiful girl. Your concern for your mother is just like mine always was for mine. You are a blessing to your Mom!!!! Big time.
You will be a blessing to her your whole life. I know I am to my Mother because she never fails to say so!!1
You are a good person. Don't run away from this sight.

You will get a lot of help and love here.
Take care Little One!

Had enough!,
Thank you so very much for telling your story. It made me cry. I am so sad to hear how your father treated your mother, but I'm glad I can talk to you about my situation. I haven't found anyone that's gone through this from my, our, angle. You understand what it feels like, the agonizing dicotomy it creates. Although I don't feel like I have anyone in real life I can talk to who will understand this, I know you will.
I do not believe my father abuses my mother, thank God, but I am fairly certain he still cheats on my mother. I think she knows it too, or at least suspects it. He has a webcam and often goes out of town for business trips.
The problem is that I have no proof anymore. I wish I had gathered some while I had the chance.
There are four kids in my family, too, and I am number three. My older siblings are in college and my little brother will turn thirteen next week.
How old were you when you found out? How did you find out?
I don't think my father would divorce my mother; he would rather have her and cheat on her, in some sort of lust for power. He's odd in that manner, always needing to be in control.
Again, thank you so much. Your response touched me deeply.
-"Yvette"

Yvette,
When I went to kindergarten, I went to a school that was right behind our house. You could see the house from my school room. I would watch the house all day and be so anxious for the day to end because I wanted to get home and find my mother ALIVE! He beat her so bad so many times.

I would love party days because I would get a cupcake or something for a treat...and I would save it for my mother.

She was always so gracious when I would hand it to her. I love my mom just like you love yours. I wanted to make up for her hell.

Yvette, I think I was about 9when I found out he was runniing around. I woke up one night and my parents were fighting about some women by the name of Betty....and I can still remember her last name. He would go our with his "woman" and then come home and beat my mother.

Please remember that you are not responsible for any of this. He hurts the whole family when he does this. Not just your mother. I am 56 years old and I am here dealing with a Soon to be Exhusband......why? Because he cheated. I am concerned for you because unfortunately we tend to end up in relationships with men who cheat. Because we had a father who cheated? I don't know. But I want you to be aware. Imelda has been open that her father cheated....I have only revealed this to you....because of your little broken heart and it brought back so many memories...What do I do? I never even revealed it to Imelda....but I think she knew.

You need love and support....Please don't abandon this site. There are so many people here who want to help you.

You were wise to recognize that most are coming at it from the position of being cheated on and that you are wanting to know what to do as a child.

Imelda, you have experience with your father share with Yvette. SHe needs to know what we did and how it ended up.

Little One, Do not cry....about my mother and her life...she always said after all was said and done that she never would have believed it but she was much happier without my Dad than with him.

You take care and know that people here just want to help and be of support. I know you cannot talk to friends or anyone about this.....but you can talk here and know that no one is condemning you. You are just being forced to mature because of this situation when so many of your friends are having the time of their lives...or so you think. You might be surprised that some of those "perfect lives" aren't what they seem.
I am so glad you wrote back and that you think maybe someone here can help you! Even if it is just to talk about things.

(((Yvette))) That means hugs to Yvette!

Yvette,

I will tell you that my father is 65 years old and a repeat cheater, he was never home and was never a supportive father, he currently is between wife number two and number three he may not be doing the same thing your father is but never the less he is still a cheater and not a responsible parent.

The other women who is now his second wife came to our house when I was barely 6 years old and confronted my mother like she was his first wife like she owned the man and in front of us kids proceeded to distroy what little possessions we had at the time.

I hated this woman for years and she even stired up trouble at my wedding, now she is suffering the consequences for what she has done, she has cancer and my father is hardly ever there with her anymore, he is now with woman number 3.

Yvette, I know that you do not want to be the source of your parents break up but I am not going to sugar coat anything either your mother NEEDS to know what your father is doing and yes it could break up your family but he has already risked her health by getting involved with these prostitutes. You can if you want not reveal everything you know and with hold what you know with the exception of letting her know that he is cheating but honestly she needs to get to a doctor and check herself for STD's.

By not telling your mother you are protecting your father by hiding the truth. If truly want to protect your mother then it is best that you tell her.

We do understand honey we know where you are coming from everyone here is doing their best to give you advise to help you not hurt you.

Please think about what we are saying carefully. You will need counseling to deal with your hurt and pain as I have had to do recently at 46 years old to deal with my father did to me and our family.

Much prayers for you Yvette,
Imelda

Had Enough and Imelda.. I am proud to know you. Yvette.. you have two very special ladies here talking to you from their heart. They have walked in your shoes. There are more here that have walked in your shoes, though they might not want to share it.

I have only shared this with one other person in my life and I will share it with you now. You need to know that you aren't the only one, and that there is hope and others who do understand.

I was always daddy's little girl. I adored the man. I had a very rough childhood, but somehow I held him above it. 'He didn't know what my step mom was doing', etc. (Have learned and accepted that he DID know but looked the other way.. different story). Anyway, I adored him. In my eyes, he could do no wrong. He was handsome, kind and gentle. I was SO PROUD of him.

Because we had such a special bond.. he had fought for and gotten custody of me when I was an infant at a time when fathers were not given custody.. he entrusted ME, as a young girl with his 'secret'. He was having an affair on my step mom. He fell in love with this woman, had a child with her. It went on for a long time. When he would receive cards, gifts or letters from her, they were sent to my home. When he sent them, he used MY address for the return address. I didn't feel right about it, even though I despised my step mom. I just couldn't risk losing the love of my dad, so I went along with it. I can't tell you how this damaged and scarred me. How it skewed my perceptions of what men were.. what marriage was supposed to be. It skewed my own image of myself.

He was planning on leaving my step mom for Jill. He was getting his ducks in a row and I knew it. My step mom was despicable to ME, so I convinced myself she had it coming. Truth is, nobody deserves that. I was SO torn between telling and risking losing the love of my dad, and keeping the secret and carrying what it was doing to ME. As the date for him leaving my step mom approached, I was sick inside. I was so conflicted, and this had been a part of my life for years.. since I was a young girl. I'd basically grown up with it. Keeping daddy's little secret. Being his 'special little girl'. I was hurting so badly inside, and didn't know what to do. I knew if I told, my step mom would turn on me and be abusive.. even though I was now a young adult and now married. She was abusive to me emotionally, verbally, and physically until I was 23 years old and finally knocked her on her ass and fought back. I KNEW she would turn on me, not believe me, and I knew that my dad would throw me under the bus and I would basically lose my entire family.

As fate would have it, I didn't have to tell before he left my step mom. Jill and her daughter were involved in a terrible auto accident and they were both killed. Decapitated actually. Since my address was the 'contact' address, I am the one that received the call. Now, instead of having to be the one to bear the bad news to my step mom, I had to be the one to bear the bad news that 'the love of my dad's life' (puke) and their child had been killed. Which was worse? I can't tell you.. I'll never know. But, having to be the one to tell my dad that Jill and their child had been killed was life altering to me, it changed me. My dad then turned to ME again to express his grief to because I was the one that knew.

I still carried his secret with shame. Five years ago, I finally made the decision to divorce myself from my parents. Long story. It was right for me to rid my life of their caustic stuff. One year ago, I could not carry the dirty little secret anymore. I had in my possession every love note, card, gift, etc., that had been exhanged between my dad and Jill. I had the birthday cards that had been sent to their child. When they died, my dad got those things and had me keep them for him. I sent them to my step mom and freed myself from carrying my dad's dirty little secret.

When I told you earlier that the truth would set you free, it was the truth. I lived it. The truth WILL set you free. Yes, there will be difficulties with telling that truth to your mom, but you are already living with difficulties in carrying this. You can be there for your mom, you can love and support her. Even if she doesn't believe you and gets angry, you can realize that it is something she will have to come to terms with, but her eyes will be forever opened and she will be AWARE. Love her through it.

Don't carry something like this for over 25 years, like I did. It eats at you. It eats you alive. It changes you.

I am very sorry that you are going through this.

Yvette,

I am sorry this is so long but there is a point here.

There are more stories to the life of my father, as I said he was not around much and for many years we were living with my Grandfather who sheltered and protected us for as long as he could. I am the eldest of 6 girls and since my father was always gone all if not most of the responsibilities were put on my shoulders.

I was very close to my Grandfather and I loved him dearly and I can tell you that I was his favorite, one day I was walking home from school with a friend of mine and while passing by a building that was under construction I was picked up off the street literally snatched right from the side walk by a man that luckily had no intentions of hurting me but he as asking lots of questions about where I lived and what my mothers name was how old she was. I had no idea why he was doing this because I was only about 5 years old.

My friend waited for me and we walked back home and I didn't say anything to anyone about what happened because I was afraid to say anything. We lived in Mexico as the time and that night when I went to bed my Grandfather and I slept outdoors because it was so hot that night, it was like camping under the stars to me.

As we were going to go to sleep I saw what looked like the shape of a woman at the door where my mother and my sisters were sleeping, I told my Grandfather but he could not see it was too dark, my young eyes were right because a few minutes later someone tumbled over my sisters stroller and ended up on the floor with a lot of kids crying and screaming. It was that same man that had picked me up off the street. He was there to try and rape my mother. My Grandfather ran over there and called the police and the man claimed he was drunk and walked into the wrong house. I told my Grandfather and mother then that I knew who he was and they were surprised about what I had just told them.

Needless to say my father finally graced us with his presences that same evening and he and my Grandfather went at it and my Grandfather told my father that he could not continue to take care of us and that we were my fathers family and he was too old to be taking on all the responsibility for him.

The next day my father packed us all up and I never saw my Grandfather again. My father was very controlling, he never hit my mother or never drank but he was a liar and when I say liar he takes the cake. My mother was young and naive she knew nothing about what he was capable of. We ended up moving from place to place until we ended up in Oakland, California this is where that incident took place with my fathers mistress his now 2nd wife.

My father was hardly ever home and when he was home it was only for a day or so, eventually my mother had to ask for financial aid because she had 4-5 kids at the time and no education or experience to get a job. The only time we saw my father was when he knew that her money was coming in, he would come home take her money and leave us with hardly any money for groceries. He would take our money and spend it on him and the other woman. My mother finally got advise from a neighbor who told her to STOP STOP STOP get a divorce from this man and take him off of your checks and don't let him take your money anymore. One time he left her with no money not even enough money to buy us a gallon of milk. He didn't do it once he did it several times before my mother FINALLY listened to the advise of the neighbor.

We as little girls idolized my father why because that's what little girls do, I idolized my father because I too was naive about what he was doing and I was too young to understand and it is a shame that men/women that are abusive of innocent people get away with this kind of shit.

Once I got older and began to understand/remember what my father had done I became angry and hurt and insecure over what he had done to us and what hurts and still does as I write this is that he took us away from my Grandfather who was the only man that loved and cared for us. I only got to know him for 5 years of my life but I knew my Grandfather loved me with all his heart and it has taken a lot of therapy for me to forgive my father for what he has done to me.

Not too long ago I was going to confront him but you know that I finally came to realize that my father doesn't live in reality he refuses to accept all his lies and deceit and pain that he has caused us as a family. I know that the day he is on his death bed he will finally come to admit/regret everything he has done.

He may not have hit my mother but I consider what he did to her and to us as abuse, neglect and an irresponsible parent if I ever saw one.

What does this story have to do with you? What your father is doing is hurting everyone now and hurting your future, trust me you will need therapy to help you deal with the pain. I have been going but in the beginning I didn't think I needed it, if I had not gone to therapy when I did I would have ended up with a nervous breakdown on the day that I found out about my husbands affair because a few weeks before I had also just been hit with the arrest of my daughter who not only was using drugs but she was dealing drugs. My husband is her step father her real father and I separated when she was 3 because he was an alcoholic.

My whole life has been affected by what my father did to us as children, we did not have a father figure in our life and my mother did the best that she could alone. I give my mother all the credit for raising us right but when you have a father that is not there to raise you with the right morals it affects your future, your self esteem, your identity as a woman. I have had many bad relationships because I had no model in my life of what a healthy relationship should be and neither did my daughter which is why she is having issues of her own and I can tell you that I too have done everything that I could for her but with that missing piece her father she is missing the same thing that I was. Her father died last year from all the years of drinking, he drank himself to death at 44 years old.

Breaking up your family is not a good thing but what your father is doing is not a good thing either and he isn't only hurting your mom alone, he is now hurting you too.

You are 17, I am 46 and I just reflected to you what has happened in my life because of a lying cheating man this could be your future but I pray that it will not be. I do not have all the answers and I will not tell you what to do. But I will not just sit here and tell you what you want to hear either, I can tell you that lying, drugs, affairs are no way to live there is no future in it and it destroys lives.

The distruction of your family has already begun with what your father is doing keeping it hidden is going to eat at you, stress you out and make you sick. You are already learning a bad habit it's called tolerance what you tolerate from him you will tolerate maybe from a man in your future who could do the same thing to you.

I/we do not want you to get hurt, I've said enough the decision is your you have read our opionion. I am truly sorry your father has put you in this position, really I am.

Good nite I'll keep praying for you and your family.
Imelda

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It must be very painful to recount the details of such memories. I truly appreciate it that you are willing to do so to keep me hopeful. All of yiu really do want what's best for me =) I feel selfish for thinking otherwise.
I really do want to tell my mother, but I am weak and fearful. I know that by not telling it will scar me. It has already begun. I have a very difficult time trusting people, especially males. I am a woman, almost an adult (I will be in January), and yet I feel... well... lonely. Weak and lonely. And in a way I am. I need to conjure some stregnth and confidence to go through with this. It will not make my life easier, but I know it's the right thing to do.
"Yvette"

Yvette,

It is painful, for the last 2-3 years I could not even think about my Grandfather without crying because he died when I was 16 years old, I couldn't trust my father and everything was brought back to me with my husbands affair. They say when you marry you marry a person like your father but in my situation I looked at my husband or his love for me was like that of my Grandfathers, it was pure, clean and trustworthy but when he betrayed me it was the most painful thing in my life.

You have a hard decision on your shoulders but ultimately doing the right thing is the right thing to do I stand behind that 100%