My-Story

My wife and I are in our 26th year of marriage. We have had our share of ups and downs and have gone through some counseling. She has always made me feel that I have not been as attentive to her needs as I should have been and has even said she doubts my love for her, which I found preposterous. We have always patched things up and moved on and I guess you might say we settled for mediocrity in our marriage. I found out recently my wife was having an affair with someone from work. I had suspicions for some time but every time I thought about spying on her in some way it made me feel like I was actually betraying her trust. As some of the other writers have noted there were warning signs of this affair that I was unwilling to accept. I suggest to the husbands that read this to not ignore your wife’s emotional needs. I feel that I allowed my anger at my wife for not seeing the depth of my love for her to fill me with resentment and it made me withdraw even more from her. We are trying to start over and things seem good, but I am having problems trusting her and find myself checking to see if her ex-lover's car is in the laneway of his home when she is away from me. I'm trying to break myself of this habit. I have a problem when I'm away from her as well. I can't stop the hurtful images that come to mind when I think about my wife and him and even though the thoughts of their sexual intimacy is bad, it is more hurtful to recall the many poems and love letters they were writing one another that I found and read. My wife never wrote me a letter like this. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess it's a way of venting my frustrations. And yes, I must admit to the secular world, my wife and I are both Christians. I couldn't believe my wife would ever break our marriage vows. I guess you never know, and it's also worth saying that without God in our lives, this would have been much harder for us as we know it is His desire that we stay together. I am reading a lot of stuff online lately and am starting to see how this happened to us more clearly. My wife contends she never went looking for this and that it just happened when he fulfilled a need emotionally that I was not. I believe this to be true and see that I too had a part in this. I'm trusting that God will restore our marriage and yours.

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