My-Story

I am 22 expecting my second child with a man I have been with for five and a half years...yes we had our son when we were both 17...young, I know! We have both cheated on each other a few times but always decided that the others meant nothing and we would try and work it out. I have been faithful and decided when I got pregnant with our second I would commit and be completely faithful. Well, I found he cheated on me.... and frankly I’m tired. I love him, I know how it sounds, but I can't do this "gotcha game". He's telling me that he just can't get what I’ve done out of his head and he can't get over it like I can. He says he wants to work out and he wants his family more than anything...but I just feel we were so damn young that we haven't experienced what WE want. So, am I dumb??? Or what????

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My husband had an affair with a woman and had a child with her. I forgave him and treat the child as my own. Although it has been a roller coaster of emotions I thought we were doing good and our family was happy with our new addition. Then I found out he cheated again and with the same person. The most hurtful thing is she is pregnant again! Of course he begged me over and over that it was just a one-nighter and please give him yet another chance. I am having a really hard time trusting him and it is very difficult because he has to have contact with this person due to the first child. I do see him making the steps to do all that I have asked...but I am a wreck with worry and so depressed that he could do this to me again. I have so many emotions right now. I do care about my husband and want to be with him and he assures me he wants to be with me but it is so hard to believe. I feel myself pushing him away because I am so scared to be hurt more then I already am.

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My husband and I were having an affair almost at the same time, my affair lasted a year (2004), we being married for 17 years, he found out about mine, and I did not find out about his. Not just a few weeks ago, I have being doing the impossible as he asked me in order for him to forgive me, but I never would expect that he was involved with someone else now for almost 5 years, I am devastated since I though we were working through my infidelity, but to my surprise he never stopped seeing her. She is 6 years younger than me, and she has a child, I have a teen! I finally confronted him after so many months of suspicions and several cell phone bills later with her number all over it !!.., finally admitted just a few weeks ago. I don’t know why I can’t just walk away, he was very clear with me and said that he had no intention to stop from seeing her, he said that by him staying with her is helping him cope with my infidelit…5 years with her and me in the stupid zone. I don’t know what to do. How could I live through this, my sexual life is also a lie, I don’t even know if he feels it’s me. I always tried my best to stay in shape and looking good, but I guess it is not enough, is it possible for him to love two people at the same time? He said he may leave her if he feels that I am doing the impossible, or my ultimate sacrifice for him !!,,please help!!!

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My previous job was a fairly demanding IT position. We had our second child and my wife was a good S.A.H.M. to both kids but her lax attitude towards housekeeping would irritate me. She didn’t like my long hours and travel, and we didn’t talk like we did pre-children, pre-professional job. About three years ago she discovered social networking sites and had what I guess was a female midlife crisis. She lost weight, attempted to start a business, and devoted tons of time on what I thought were platonic online friendships. Many of them were, I suppose, but there was more. Last year I discovered her writings in the form of letters and started snooping. I figured out that she was involved with an older retired lawyer, a "psychic" who was also web designer for her business, a conservative gun nut/alcoholic (surprising if you know her) and several others. I also feel that when you add in “emotional” affairs where she was confiding in men (whether surrogates I suppose for her emotionally absent father, who died two years ago, spiritual mentor types, artistic soul mates, or good time sporty party dudes) there were about a dozen violations. Fortunately, there were only two brief physical encounters – one of them was with a female family friend, a single mom, although that was a drunken fling, and in the context of my wife’s overall behavior during that time, I’m willing to forgive. However, I'm not 100% sure about some details about my wife’s infidelity period because I only got her to admit to what was in her substantial paper trail when I confronted her. We went through a lot of the usual stuff – there was suspicion and arguments pre-discovery, she had a relapse, I warned the guy off, she had withdrawal from all the great folks on the ‘net, she felt violated by my snooping…however we did agree that we wanted to save the marriage and things are getting better, bit by bit. As far as confronting her, the possibility of exposure jolted her into clarity. I told my family about it, and I think the idea that our friends, her family (i.e., our kid’s grandmother, aunt, uncle, etc) would know brought out some good old-fashioned shame. The idea of being a single parent is unappealing to most people, and we both realized we had a good relationship and shared history and shared interests. I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout. I’m not a heavy drinker or smoker, but I definitely use those things to calm my nerves. I quit singing in church, and don’t go to church at all anymore for the time being. I have a lower-stress/lower-paying job, and I’m having trouble getting motivated to take on a more demanding one. Things that my wife was enthusiastic about during her fling bring on negative associations. It makes me angry to think of the times we had sex during her affair period…where she was obviously aroused thinking of the great guys who wouldn’t give her their true name, or who dumped her, or stabbed her in the back. It makes me angry to think of her friends who seemed to think cheating is No Big Deal, and covered up for her…she has ended her business in order to work steadily outside the home. We are learning more about ourselves and working through things, sharing responsibilities, communicating better. I love her. One day at a time. Progress, not perfection. My heart goes out to everyone who “just found out."

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Is it cheating when there is no sex involved? My husband started texting and talking to a women on his delivery route I caught talking to her on the phone after he had been doing it for about six months. When I went back and checked our cell phone records there are at least 100 a day everyday back and forth. After I caught him they both said they were just friends and they would not do it anymore it has happened twice after that. I spoke to her on the phone and she said she was having a bad time and missed not talking to him. He says he is done with her but how do I know? He went and got his own cell phone. I want to trust him, we have been married 26 years what do I do now. I think about it all the time I know where she works I have her cell and home number I want her to feel as sad as I do.

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My wife and I are in our 26th year of marriage. We have had our share of ups and downs and have gone through some counseling. She has always made me feel that I have not been as attentive to her needs as I should have been and has even said she doubts my love for her, which I found preposterous. We have always patched things up and moved on and I guess you might say we settled for mediocrity in our marriage. I found out recently my wife was having an affair with someone from work. I had suspicions for some time but every time I thought about spying on her in some way it made me feel like I was actually betraying her trust. As some of the other writers have noted there were warning signs of this affair that I was unwilling to accept. I suggest to the husbands that read this to not ignore your wife’s emotional needs. I feel that I allowed my anger at my wife for not seeing the depth of my love for her to fill me with resentment and it made me withdraw even more from her. We are trying to start over and things seem good, but I am having problems trusting her and find myself checking to see if her ex-lover's car is in the laneway of his home when she is away from me. I'm trying to break myself of this habit. I have a problem when I'm away from her as well. I can't stop the hurtful images that come to mind when I think about my wife and him and even though the thoughts of their sexual intimacy is bad, it is more hurtful to recall the many poems and love letters they were writing one another that I found and read. My wife never wrote me a letter like this. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess it's a way of venting my frustrations. And yes, I must admit to the secular world, my wife and I are both Christians. I couldn't believe my wife would ever break our marriage vows. I guess you never know, and it's also worth saying that without God in our lives, this would have been much harder for us as we know it is His desire that we stay together. I am reading a lot of stuff online lately and am starting to see how this happened to us more clearly. My wife contends she never went looking for this and that it just happened when he fulfilled a need emotionally that I was not. I believe this to be true and see that I too had a part in this. I'm trusting that God will restore our marriage and yours.

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