Dating

Andrew Bicknell researches and writes about a variety of subjects, including those dealing with relationships and infidelity.

About one year ago I found email journals that my wife of 15 years had written to herself documenting the aftermath of an affair she had with a coworker from work. I would have never read her journals but she had been threatening to divorce me and I thought the journals would shed some light on why. The journals appeared to be after they had split because she discovered the he was also having an affair with another coworker. The never spelled out specifics or admissions (even to herself) and seemed to be an outlet to deal with the loss of this man that she says she loved. After a week of insanity, I confronted her and was shocked to discover that she had done it before. In an attempt to divert my attention from the current situation, she admitted to infidelity at Mardi Gras when she went with some friends in 2003 then two years later with a different coworker at her previous company. In those cases, she admitted to having sex with them but later altered her story to make it less damaging. After much prodding, she admitted to the more recent affairs but insisted that she did not let get physical. She says that she thought they were in love and were each discussing leaving their spouses for each other. However, the journals tell a different story. She admits to cheating with him and being an adulteress but never uses the word "sex". She contends that she felt like it was cheating because she had such a strong emotional bond with him. I had made plans to move out and take the boys when she asked me to stay saying that she realized she loved me and did not want to lose me. A year later, we are still together but I still have sleepless nights thinking about all that she told me and the things she still has not confessed. I do not want things to drag out but feel that I can never truly heal without some kind of closure. I would like full disclosure of what she has done. Not details but I want her to own up to what she did. I also want her assurances that this will not happen again. To this day, she refuses to go to counseling because she does not want to be confronted with her ugly truths.

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