Help The Kids Adjust

Jennifer Bazner, MA, LLPC, works with individuals and families in crisis, including families racked by infidelity. She is on the staff of www.break-free-from-the-affair as well as the Fountain Hill Center for Counseling and Consultation.

The Hidden Effects of Divorce On Children

Larry Bilotta is

There are often mixed opinions about the true effects of divorce on children. The following article covers facts gathered from various resources over the years.

I found out over a year ago. 1 month after my mom (my best friend) passed away. Like anyone who's been cheated on will tell you, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! I had my suspicions so I had checked my husband's cell phone every once in awhile. Not really looking for anything, just looking. Well one morning getting ready for work I looked and saw some outgoing messages, curious I opened them. I was devastated. There were explicit pictures of some girl, one with her whole naked body and her smiling. I was crushed. We have 2 kids, 10 & 4, and have been together for 13 years. I never thought he would cheat, but to be completely honest neither one of us had been trying. We were parenting and that's about it. We worked opposite schedules to take care of the kids and barely saw each other. I always thought it was just a phase and that our relationship would improve, as the kids got older. I guess he had other ideas. It turned out this had been going on for 2 years!!! When I confronted him, he basically told me, he wasn't happy, but said he didn't want to leave and wanted to work things out. He had never lied before so I thought we could work it out. I too thought what did I do that was so bad. I tried to change all the things I thought bothered him about me, it still didn't help. 6 months later after I kissed his ass (like an idiot) I found out he was still seeing her. This time was worse. I truly had made the effort to give the relationship 150%, I fell back in love with him. I could not believe that he NEVER stopped seeing her. I stopped working just before this happened, so I became obsessed with it all. I had absolutely zero trust in him. I became psychotic. I called him all the time. We fought about everything. He didn't understand why I was like this. And then I realized that I was causing myself more pain by following his every movement and checking his phone calls, I read into everything. I slowly grabbed a hold of myself and focused on my children, and me it was not easy. You have to take it day by day. For the last 2 months I have let him be. I don't think there's anything going on, but who knows. As long as he treats me "right" things will work out. Thank-you for this opportunity

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