Prevention

Jennifer Bazner, MA, LLPC, works with individuals and families in crisis, including families racked by infidelity. She is on the staff of www.break-free-from-the-affair as well as the Fountain Hill Center for Counseling and Consultation.

I found out my hubby was cheating through his cell phone. A red flag went up when condoms fell out of his pants pocket as I hung them up one night. We don't use condoms. I asked him about them and he said they were not his. Okayee! So I started checking his cell phone (he has two) and found he was communicating with a woman he worked with. I confronted him about it and he admitted to only a "talking" friendship. He assured me nothing sexual was going on, they had never been to lunch and they had only been talking for two weeks. He was going to tell her they could not talk anymore, it was a wrap. Well after digging around some more, it turns out they had been communicating for over four months (we've been married 7 months) and she had been in my cars and he had been to lunch with her on more than once occasion. Another confrontation with him and I started my plans to leave him. He confessed and apologized and we decided to work things out. I decided to forgive him because I felt like I needed to give the marriage a chance and since I didn’t have any hard core “proof” of a sexual relationship; we could work on the marriage. I guess the reason I’m posting this is because I just wanted to have some support and share what a hurtful experience this has been for me. I stopped eating, I could barely sleep and this situation took all my emotional energy. I hope no one ever has to go through this the way I have. I can tell you my husband is only going to admit to what I already know. Meaning, if I say you’ve been talking to this woman for four months, he will say “Yeah, I have been talking to her for four months.” Or, I know she was in my car, “Yeah, she was in the car.” He’s not offering anything, which is why I don’t feel the need to offer anything either about how I snoop. So once the other evidence is revealed, which I don’t think will be pretty, I am making plans to leave anyway.

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