Second Chance

Joseph Hanoa is the founder of www.marriageadvising.com/, a website that answers questions dealing with couples help.

5 Things You Shouldn't Do If He's Cheating On You

Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You?-829 Telltale Signs,” is a lifestyle and relationship writer. She has been a frequent guest on Good Day New York, TalkAmerica, the Mike Gallagher Show and other TV and radio talk shows nationwide.

This may be the most important article you’ll read about dealing with your husband’s affair. There’s plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn’t do.

Almost four years my husband and I were married. About five months after, my husband had an affair. An affair that unfortunately tempted me to try and take my own life. As you can see, I am still here today. I was determined that I loved my husband and wanted to make this work, I wanted a life with him. So, instead of listening to everyone else, I stayed and wanted to fight for my marriage. The past few years have gone by and I still hold a fear and constant worry that travels through my mind and body everyday. About eight months ago, I found out that my husband had sex again with another woman. I found this out by the pictures that were taken on our digital camera. Ready to walk away at that point, my husband promised me it would never happen again. He promised that he was going to prove to me and make this work. He was making the effort, he was leaving his cell phone out in the open, he was always trying to reassure me by his words of love, and he had given me more freedom to his belongings than he did before. Unfortunately, as much as I was happy, I was also scared. Instead of taking it all in, I would be mean. I would say hurtful things. I was scared to allow my guard down, thinking that if I did, it would give the wrong impression that he could cheat again and I'll be ok. It backfired and now I don't know what to do. I love my husband. He is my soul mate and has every part of my heart. I only want to walk this journey of life with him but am now in fear that I destroyed the chance we had. About two weeks ago my husband snapped. He said he was tired of being brought down and needed his space. He wanted to know that I was not going to keep this constant wall the rest of my life with us. I pushed him too far and now I'm trying to back peddle to repair it. I don't want my marriage to end and need help on what can I do. I've cried to the point of throwing up. Cried to the point where I am constantly trying to convince him that I will let go of my fears and just live a future together. I'm lost, I'm scared, and I don't want my marriage to end. How can I prove to him that I can move on!!!!! HELP I try so hard to give him his space but when he's gone, I only want to talk to him, see him, and be with him. I call his cell phone a million times trying to get through to him and still no answer. He's then angry that I can't stop calling or just give him his space. I'm trying everything I can think of. Just as soon as we get close and even share a great kiss, moments later he's back to wanting space.

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