Therapy

Andrew Bicknell researches and writes about a variety of subjects, including those dealing with relationships and infidelity.

Hurt and Betrayal vs. Safety and Security

Denise Silverstein, LCSW is a psychotherapist with over l5 years experience in individual, marital and family therapy. She does public speaking on relationships, child rearing and trauma, and has a private practice in Morganville, NJ.

Within our personal relationships, partners probably do things on a daily basis that often hurt one another. The damage that is produced can eventually lead to feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal and a sense of not being safe within the relationship.

I know we were having problems mostly over relatives. And let's not kid ourselves, our "private" time was not what it should have been. He actually pushed me to become friends with her. Both our families went out, our children were becoming friends - then the bomb hit. I am traveling across the country on a business trip - he calls me to tell me he thinks I am having an affair and that I have been unfaithful to him in the past. This comes out of left field - I am doing no such thing nor have I ever done anything. Needless to say I can't sleep, I am present in body only at my meetings. I do not here from him the rest of the day. I land from my trip and have 2 messages. One from my husband stating it is urgent I speak to you and if "he" calls do not speak to him. "He" being her husband. Where is all this coming from? What is going on? Well - he got caught and tried to put the blame on me. I now must drive home hearing from my husband that he has had an affair - she lives in our town, he has pushed me to be her friend, what am I to think. Family issues are one thing but sleeping with someone else is another - sorry - it is not the same - not in my book.

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