Featured Article

This is a conversation Brian and Anne had one Saturday morning over a cup of coffee while discussing one particular woman (Jane's) situation. Because Brian has so many valuable insights into the mind of the betrayer to share, we recorded the conversation and later had the words keyed into a computer. It was originally never intended for sharing with others in this way. However, we have shared it with a few people who have profusely thanked us for the insights it provides. So by popular demand we are making it available this week on our website. These insights are for those who wish to learn about rebuilding a marriage after the devastation of an affair, and assume they have had a committed relationship where they genuinely love each other. One of the keys to healing the marriage is hours and hours of dialogue, discussing the affair, which brings mutual understanding, but how can that be achieved when it is so painful for both?

Anne: What you're saying is that the unfaithful person needs to be rewarded in some way; they need a positive experience to come home to in order to facilitate the beginning of the healing process?

Brian: Yes. Both people are really hurt. He hurts as much as she does, but it doesn't seem that way. The Betrayer goes through a different kind of hurt but it hurts just the same. He's aware that she's hurt. He knows that he is the one who has hurt her. Obviously he still loves her because he's still there in the relationship. But he has to deal with the emotion of knowing that he has hurt someone he loves by his actions. This is the struggle that he has. If they always talk about her and her hurts than the relationship will never work out, because he's just as important of a factor in the whole thing as she is. He needs to go through the process of discovering that.