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People who heal themselves and their marriages from affairs and who go on to be even happier and even stronger on the other side, generally find the road to healing required a combination of things.

Question: Every little thing still triggers the affair & I still see them together in my head. When will it stop? Husband is doing a lot of what he needs to, to repair our relationship. I still cry all the time.

Answer: It takes at least 2 years to get past it. It took me 2 1/2 years. But the healing and getting past the obsessive thoughts is gradual. Slowly over time, as you work on yourself (personal growth), the painful thoughts gradually start to be fewer and farther between and their intensity gradually lessons, until one day you think to yourself, "Oh my God, I can't remember the last time I even thought of the affair!"

It's best not to put set time lines on things. As one affair survivor told me, "I'm sick and tired of people telling me exactly how long it should take me to heal. I just want to heal in my own way and in my own time." Considering how painful this journey is, I feel she has a very valid point.

And others in the Beyond Affairs Network support group I facilitate in my own city have joked in response, “Yes as if you will be healed in 2 years, 1 month, 5 days, 3 hours, 47 minutes and 23 seconds!” How ridiculous! As if you could time it. Yet many experts will tell you it takes “x” length of time. Who cares how long it takes as long as you actually do heal, as long as you are continuously moving forward in the journey.

On the flip side, I also want to clarify that when we say it takes a minimum of 2 years to get completely past all the pain, that doesn’t mean the whole period of time was intensely painful. We enjoyed many happy days and good memories along the way. We had many intimate talks during our healing journey where the honesty was refreshing and brought us closer. We put the affair on hold as needed and would go on dates and just enjoy each others company. This is an important thing to do on the healing journey.