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Many people are baffled when they find themselves experiencing the same type of relationship problems, over and over again, with different partners or the same partner. They often conclude that it's the partner that is the problem, and feel victimized by the ubiquity of this issue. We, however, have a different stance on this, one that emphasizes personal responsibility. And one that is best exemplified by the 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day. While many see this movie as another mindless, goofy Bill Murray movie, there is a deep, profound message here, for relationships in particular and life in general. On the surface, Murray plays a jaded weatherman who is forced to relive the same Groundhog Day over and over and over again until he learns how to truly love. Each morning he awakens to the horror that his life has not changed at all, that he is forced to repeat the same day over yet again, with the same small-town people he despises saying the same things and doing the same things they always do. No matter what he tries to do, even killing himself, every morning he is back in the exact same situation. There is no escape from his daily living nightmare. Without anyone to talk to who understands what he is going through, Murray engages in a very slow process of trial and error. He has all eternity to practice in, so he tries just about everything in an effort to get to another day.

Without realizing it, many people find themselves in Murray's situation, as they find themselves always waking up to the same type of intimate relationship, over and over again, year after year, regardless of who they are with. For some unknown reason, every partner they have ever been with doesn't quite have what it takes to give them the love they truly desire. Every relationship ultimately ends up in the same stale place, missing something essential, or repeating a unhealthy pattern of distance, unavailability, neglect or even abuse.

The lesson of Groundhog Day is that nothing will change in our lives until we change from the inside out. Our lives are a perpetual treadmill of opportunities for learning, constantly coming our way, again and again, until we heed the call and shift our attitudes, perceptions, feelings and/or behavior. As long as Murray used, manipulated and lied to people, to gratify his own ego and for his own selfish, condescending amusement, he kept getting the same results. It was only when he began to cultivate and act with genuine compassion, empathy and love for others that he got a different result. When he stopped blaming and feeling victimized by his situation and took responsibility for the fact that this was partially his own creation, it finally shifted.