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CASE STUDY - "ANDREW"

"My wife and I always had a healthy sex life. We were married for fifteen years and we still managed to have sex about three times a week.

During the last six months of our relationship, our sex life declined rapidly. It all started when I got laid off from work. Money was tight, the bills just kept pouring in, and there seemed to be no jobs available in my field. My wife decided to get a part time job and help out until I found a decent position. I have to admit, my self-esteem was pretty low. I didn't like the idea of my wife supporting me all of a sudden, but it couldn't be helped, no matter how hard I just couldn't find a job.

That's when our sex life started going down the drain. At first, it was because I didn't feel like the "man" around the house anymore — also I was worried and felt though I was constantly in a pressure cooker But then things turned around, and it was my wife who was making excuses. She would go to bed before me saying that she had to get up early for the next morning. Or she would come home from work claiming that she was exhausted. When I would approach her in bed, she would tell me that if I put in half as much effort into finding a job as I did trying to seduce her we would be millionaires.

After many months, I sat her down one day and wanted to know what really was wrong with our relationship. Being out of work for a few months shouldn’t destroy a marriage of fifteen years, I told her. She finally broke down, and through tears said that she met a man and they fell in love. She said that she wasn't looking for it but it just happened, and asked me for a divorce."

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

A couple that has had a sexual pattern which changes drastically is usually a sign of a cheating spouse. Your spouse might use excuses like "It's the pressure at work," or "It's the house bills," or the demands of children, or even pressure from the two of you argu­ing lately.