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CASE STUDY - "LINDA"

"My husband and I have been married for thirteen years, and luckily we have had no children together. It's not that I didn't want any, but I knew that he was a bum and I didn't want to bring an innocent child into my imperfect household.

I found out once a couple of years ago that my husband cheated on me. The affair didn't last too long and I managed to deal with the situation. His sister also told me that he cheated on his first wife on a regular basis, and was surprised to find out that it happened only once in our marriage.

But I know he's doing it again — I can feel it in my gut. I have tried to close my eyes to all the numerous signs but it's been very hard. I would love to leave him, but it's financially impossible. When I told him that I knew about his cheating, he said that it was about time we started living our own lives, but without getting divorced. I wanted to know what that meant exactly. His reply: go get a boyfriend so that I could stop bugging him.

Was he serious? How did he expect me to go out and have "fun" with another man? Wasn't I already having "fun" with such a wonderful cheater like him?

He figured that if I had a boyfriend, it would reduce his guilt and also his responsibilities.

Unfortunately I'm stuck in this situation. I have nowhere to go, and no money to go with. But I swore to him that as long as we were married to each other, for better or worse, I would not let him live a single life!"

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

When your spouse suggests the two of you begin going out and start living your own lives, this usually indicates that they have already found someone else. They have made the decision for you.

Your spouse encourages your freedom in order to relieve their own guilt. He or she wants you to be secure with another person. If your spouse has taken these sharp measures, it is safe to say that they have been seeing someone else for a long time.