Statistics About Affairs
Peggy Vaughan, the founder of DearPeggy.com and the Beyond Affairs Network, is a noted leader in the field of infidelity recovery. Her books include “The Monogamy Myth,” “Recovering From Affairs,” and “Beyond Affairs,” among others.
Monogamy is something most people say they believe in and want for themselves. Every survey ever done on this question shows a high percentage of people think monogamy is important to marriage and that affairs are wrong. And most people, when they marry, "intend" to be monogamous. But a belief in monogamy as an ideal doesn't prevent large numbers of people from having extramarital affairs.
Since we can't effectively address a problem until we properly identify the nature of the problem, the first step is to raise awareness of the prevalence of affairs. Many people question the prevalence of affairs, looking to whatever particular study or survey will reinforce their belief/hope that most people are monogamous.
One reason it's so difficult for people to accurately determine the meaning behind any particular study is that there are such subtle forces involved that affect the outcome. For instance, those studies that look only at the incidence of affairs in the "current marriage" fail to reflect the larger picture of the overall prevalence of affairs. For the people to whom this has happened, the experience LASTS A LIFETIME, regardless of whether it happened in the "current marriage." And statistics that distort this reality by focusing only on the "current marriage" fail to be meaningful.
(By the way, the very fact that divorce and remarriage are so common has also complicated the reliability of any statistics that look at monogamy in a given marriage. Since marriages tend to last a shorter period of time than in the past, some people manage to maintain monogamy during this shorter period of time—NOT a positive indicator for monogamy or for marriage.)
Likewise, those studies that look only at the incidence of affairs in the "current year" also fail to reflect the larger picture. It's like saying that even though lots of women get breast cancer, a small percentage of them get it in "any given year." For those of us who have had breast cancer, the fact that we got it in "one particular year" does not diminish it's significance or relevance to the overall picture. Again, statistics that distort the overall reality of affairs by focusing only on the "current year" also fail to be meaningful.
Those of us who have looked at a wide range of studies recognize the "myth" of believing that most people are monogamous. Here are some statistics based not on any one specific study, but on what we see as the "general consensus" of researchers who have studied this issue:
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