12 Steps to Forgiveness
Anne Bercht, the director of the Beyond Affairs Network, is co-founder, along with her husband Brian, of www.passionatelife.ca, a website dedicated to creating a healthy, passionate marriage.
Forgiveness seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for their wrongs.
Understanding What Forgiveness Is
Webster’s dictionary defines forgiveness this way: To give up resentment against; stop being angry with; pardon; give up all claim to punish; overlook; cancel a debt.
That’s an awful lot to ask of someone whose spouse has been unfaithful.
Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free. The surprise is, once you have forgiven, you discover that the real prisoner who has been freed is yourself, not the person who has hurt you. You become free of bitterness, and free to enjoy your present and your future.
Forgiveness is a response to an injustice. It is a turning, goodwill, a merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge. Forgiveness is paradoxical, the opposite of what comes naturally because it is human and natural to be resentful and require others to pay a price for their wrongdoing.
Yes, the person who wronged us should pay for the wrong they have committed. They OWE us something. The problem is, there is no price high enough that would pay for this injustice. So we make a decision to cancel their debt anyway. It’s like bankruptcy laws.
In the old days, if you borrowed money and couldn’t repay it, you were thrown into debtor’s prison. Some people came along and said, “Hey, wait a minute. This isn’t fair. Just because someone really screwed up once and can’t repay their debt doesn’t mean they are a bad person and will never be able to get it right in the future. Let’s cancel all their debts, give them a second chance and hope they have learned a lesson from their experience. That’s what bankruptcy is.
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