Who Has Affairs - And Why
Peggy Vaughan, the founder of DearPeggy.com and the Beyond Affairs Network, is a noted leader in the field of infidelity recovery. Her books include “The Monogamy Myth,” “Recovering From Affairs,” and “Beyond Affairs,” among others.
1. Why Do People Have Affairs?
The first question most people ask when they learn of their partner's affair is, "Why?" And the answers they come up with are usually based on personal blame. They blame themselves, their partner, their relationship, or the third party. They see it strictly as a personal problem, a personal failure of the people involved. This is a very simple explanation for a very complex question.
Usually there are three different kinds of forces that are working together:
Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs
Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs
Societal factors
Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs:
Attraction: sex, companionship, admiration, power
Novelty
Excitement, risk, or challenge
Curiosity
Enhanced self-image
Falling in love
Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs:
Desire to escape or find relief from a painful relationship
Boredom
Desire to fill gaps in an existing relationship
Desire to punish one's partner
Need to prove one's attractiveness or worth
Desire for attention
Societal factors
Affairs are glamorized in movies, soap operas, romance novels, and TV shows of all kinds. Public disclosure of public figures having affairs is headline news because we are fascinated and titillated by hearing of others' affairs.
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