If Our Hearts Could Speak
Denise Silverstein, LCSW is a psychotherapist with over l5 years experience in individual, marital and family therapy. She does public speaking on relationships, child rearing and trauma, and has a private practice in Morganville, NJ.
If so many of us yearn to be more closely connected to our spouse, why is it that so often we omit the words that express the feelings that are held tightly in our hearts? In human relationships, connection usually represents the feeling of being understood and understanding another in a way that makes us feel safe, peaceful and happy. Connection allows us to get through our day and know that we will survive because there is a safe harbor to return to. If our hearts could speak, there would be no judgment as to whether our sentiments could be used against us at another time or whether we would be judged in any way as being “ridiculous” or “silly”.
If our hearts could speak, what do you think would happen? Just imagine…a real heart-to-heart conversation. How many of you would know where to begin? Unfortunately, I cannot give you a list of exact topics because the list is would be completely different for everyone. However, if you listen to your heart, that will be your guide through this process. I will tell you that a heart-to-heart conversation can have to do with:
fears pride
anger gratitude
disappointments loving
obstacles healing
regrets apologies
unmet needs promises
shame patience
Leo Buscaglia, noted author, has said, “What love we’ve given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.” It is so important to verbalize the words that our hearts hold. When we do not do this, so much is wasted. Then there is also the expectation that our spouse will miraculously “just know” and this leads to a myriad of problems. While our behavior certainly communicates how we feel, words from our heart transform the image from a simple scene to a rich landscape.
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