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Question:

I have all but destroyed my husband's trust in me as I have lied to him over the last year. I desperately want to regain his trust. Is there anything I can say or propose to him besides saying, "I'm sorry - I won't do it again." to make him open to at least giving me a chance to try to rebuild the trust?"

NOTE! After writing my answer, I contacted a husband who actively supports betrayed spouses and who has personally experienced the pain of his own wife’s affair. I’ve added his comments for further insight. Even though this situation deals with a wife who had an affair, the principles are the same when it is the husband who has been unfaithful.

Answer:

In this situation your words have become meaningless to your husband. It's good to say, "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again." That's a start, but it is not nearly enough. The betrayed spouse wonders, “Why was it not good enough the first time you promised on our wedding day?” After a broken promise of this magnitude, words mean nothing, actions mean everything. It’s what you do, not what you say, that really counts.

John: It is indeed the actions that truly tell whether the person is really sincere in wanting honesty or just saying it because it seems right. This all has to come from the heart.

Here is the key to rebuilding trust: YOUR PROVEN BEHAVIOR OVER TIME.

1. The first proven behavior is to break all ties with the 3rd party. Have no contact at all with this person. Change jobs if necessary. Let your husband be on the other end of the line when you tell the other person, you never want to hear from or speak to them again, that you are 100% committed to your marriage.

John: And be sure to provide assurance from time to time that you are still avoiding that person like the plague.