Infidelity: Why The Need
To Know Is So Strong
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, is the founder of www.break-free-from-the-affair.com and author of the book “How to Break Free from the Affair.” He is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Social Worker.
When you discover that your partner is immersed in infidelity, you may have a powerful need to know. You want to know the details. Maybe ALL the details. When? Where? How? How Often? What was it like? etc.
No. there is nothing wrong with you. In working intimately with hundreds of people like you, ravaged by an extramarital affair, the need to know is very common.
Here are six reasons why you might want to know.
1. The need for validation. If you tend to be intuitive, that is, soak in the signals from others around you and try to make sense of them, you may have this powerful urge to go back and find out what really happened.
Your partner says, "Yes, I was with him/her on that day." You think, "Oh yes, I remember having a feeling at that time, an awful feeling. Now I know what that was about." Or, "I asked you if you were having an affair and you denied it...or turned it back on me with your anger. I thought I was going crazy. Now I know I wasn't.
2. You question your adequacy (and who doesn't when confronted with marital infidelity) and a part of you wants to heal/change those thoughts and feelings.
And so, you venture into the comparative game and ask/think: "What did they do? Was he she better? What was he/she better at? What didn't I do or give? Where do I get stuck emotionally/sexually?"
Sexual interaction is a "window to the soul." Be kind to yourself when you compare. Learn. Often their sexual interaction leaves a lot to be desired. Know as well that your partner's inadequacies will shine just as brightly with the OP (other person) as with you.
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