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Here is a great exercise for couples to try, which can greatly help enhance the intimacy in your relationship. Begin by reflecting on your current relationship. As you think about your relationship notice what thoughts, feelings and sensations arise within. Allow them to be there, without judging their nature in any way. Then put some attention on your current perceptions of your partner: good, bad or indifferent. Notice any blaming or limiting thoughts you may have about your partner, or what you perceive to be their shortcomings or character defects.

Now let us give you a splendid gift for your relationship. The gift starts with a recognition that unless we have chosen an abusive or chemically dependent partner, our perception of our partner is but a reflection of our own efforts at creating love. Our partner is the perfect mirror who gives us back what we give. When we find ourselves taking an inventory of our partner's defects, it is a sure sign that we are avoiding responsibility for what we have created and brought out in our partner. "But you don't understand! He really IS..." Alas, we cannot change our partner's character. But we can change the present and future quality of our relationship.

A powerful question to ask yourself is this: how would YOU act toward your partner if you thought they were the best partner for you in the whole world? That is, imagine that right now (whether you believe it or not!) the person you are dating or living together or married to the complete and total embodiment of what you perceive of as the perfect mate for you: the perfect personality, the perfect body, the perfect spiritual practice, whatever would be absolutely perfect for you. Next, think about how you would act toward this perfect partner. Would you be attentive? Aloof? Thoughtful? Distant? Affectionate? Sarcastic? Romantic? Crabby? Seductive? Would you rush home and turn on the TV or the computer? What events would you plan? What cards would you write? Make a list of all the things you would do, and how often you would do them.

In this little exercise lies one of the secrets to an everlasting love. The qualities that sustain an alive, loving, healthy intimate relationship over time are not the big gifts or splashy anniversary or holiday presents. Rather, love is enlivened and sustained by the small, repeated kindnesses that cost little in money or time but a great deal in terms of effort and thoughtfulness. So you want to unleash the highest loving potential of your partner? It's simple: for thirty days, do everything that you would do for your imaginary perfect partner with your current partner. Do everything on your list, and do it as often as you would with your perfect partner. Don't tell your partner what you are doing until a month has passed. By doing this exercise, you will give your partner, as well as your relationship, the best gift they could receive. In most cases, your partner will spontaneously begin to be more loving and thoughtful in return.