Statistics About Affairs
continued
According to Annette Lawson, author of "Adultery," first published in 1989 by Basic Books.
"The various researchers arrive at a general consensus…suggesting that above one-quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than married women—perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty."
According to Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Partners," first published in 1987 by Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine.
"Most experts do consider the 'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45 to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a relatively sound and reasonable one."
According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," first published in 1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).
"Conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives."
Note that the above assessments of the prevalence of affairs were made more than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%.
The effect of believing that most marriages or committed relationships are monogamous is that if an affair happens, it's seen strictly as a Personal Issue requiring "therapy" for the individual who failed to be monogamous. But by acknowledging the prevalence of affairs (and the societal factors that undermine monogamy), we see that this is also a Societal Issue requiring "education" for all of us in using responsible honesty to support our efforts to be monogamous. The irony of the Monogamy Myth (believing that most people are monogamous and that affairs happen only to a few "bad" or "weak" people) is that it prevents us from dealing with the issues that need to be addressed in order to make monogamy a more attainable goal for everyone.
©1996-2007 DearPeggy.com
You can purchase “The Monogamy Myth” or other books by Peggy Vaughan, by visiting her website, DearPeggy.com, where you will also have access to her many articles, join in discussions, and learn more about The Beyond Affairs Network.
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