Education Is An Important Key
To Relationship Success
continued
So say a husband has had a stressful day at work. He comes home and he wants to watch TV. HE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK. His wife however wants to reconnect with him by talking, and talk to him she does, except he seems to be ignoring her, not paying attention etc. Slowly she becomes angry. She misinterprets his need to “retreat” as a lack of love for her. She tries and tries all to no avail. In fact the more she tries the more withdrawn he becomes. Finally she decides to punish him by not talking to him.
Noticing her sudden silence the husband is relieved. Her punishment is to him a reward!
Considering how different men and women are it’s a wonder any relationship ever makes it. Yet it is exactly these differences that attract us to one another.
Then there is the issue of different personalities. As the saying goes usually opposites attract, then they attack. Understanding my husband’s personality has probably been the biggest breakthrough in our relationship happiness and success.
Here’s just one example of how this works. Some people by nature are peace lovers. Their main goal in life is harmony. They avoid conflict at all costs. Other people are focused on getting tasks done, and getting them done fast. Their main goal in life is results. My husband is a results person. When I kindly and politely say to him, “Honey sometime when you have time, when it’s okay with you, I don’t want to be inconsiderate, but when it’s not to much trouble, I’d like to talk about something important to me.” He doesn’t even hear me.
On the contrary when he says to me, “I need these errands done now” I feel like he is yelling at me. For years (until I learned this stuff), I thought my husband was rude. And I wasn’t getting the love from him I wanted. He was actually loving me, but he was loving me in his language, which I didn’t understand.
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