Slaying The Affair Demons
continued
I’m telling you it’s possible and it happens often. It is actually perfectly possible for someone to be devoted to his wife and family and still have an affair. It is due to their short comings as an individual and their inability to even understand themselves, and their inability to communicate, to express their inner self and true needs to others. Because of this inability they have a vulnerability. The affair is like a drug that temporarily sooths these deeper pains which they themselves have been unwilling to face and deal with.
This is why it is essential for couples to do the work of healing in their relationships. They’ve got to use the crisis as a catalyst to figure out their own inner complexities and those within their relationship. Then they can change in the right places, at the root of the problem instead of dealing with outward issues. If the roots aren’t dealt with the outward issues just resurface in a different way. It is on what we do differently now that I base my trust in my present day relationship.
Brian now shares with me the inner stuff in his life that bothers him. He has learned to really understand himself (self-awareness) and how to communicate this with me. This is different (from our pre-affair marriage) and it feels good. I on the other hand have learned to HEAR these things, even if I disagree or feel a bit hurt, and to thank him for being honest and to feel comforted recognizing this difference in the way that we relate to one another.
This article first appeared on http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
© 2003 Anne Bercht & Associates
You can purchase the Berchts’ book “My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me” by visiting http://www.passionatelife.ca/ where you’ll also find helpful advice and articles as well as information on the Beyond Affairs Network.
Other Related Articles:
Article Archives
