Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
continued
Guidelines for Making Your Decision
¨ Make your OWN decision.
¨ Do not rush the decision.
¨ Get as much information as possible.
¨ Do not make this decision based solely on emotional factors, nor solely on practical factors.
Questions to Help You Decide:
¨ Is your spouse willing to talk about what happened, to try and learn from it, to avoid future affairs and to improve the marriage overall?
¨ Is there a willingness to acknowledge the fact that attractions to the opposite sex are normal and will likely happen again in the future? Is there a plan for ongoing discussions regarding how these future temptations will be handled?
¨ Is there a commitment to honesty and communication as a basis for your marriage, rather than simply a promise for future monogamy?
¨ Is there evidence of willingness for ongoing honesty on topics other than affairs? (If there is not honesty about other issues, there is little likelihood that there will be future honesty about affairs.)
¨ Even if there is little evidence of the above at this time, does it seem reasonable to think that you will be moving towards these things in the future? Change of this kind doesn't happen overnight, but there needs to be hope for the future.
In the final analysis, each person is responsible for making their own decision (regardless of the opinions of friends, family, professionals and the general public), because they have to live with the choice they make. It takes strength and clear-headedness to assess the situation and do whatever is best for you.
© 2003 Anne Bercht & Associates
You can purchase the Berchts’ book “My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me” by visiting http://www.passionatelife.ca/ where you’ll also find helpful advice and articles as well as information on the Beyond Affairs Network.
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