Should I Meet the Other Woman/Man?
continued
Half way through my meeting with the other woman I began to feel compassion towards her. I saw nothing but a broken, hurting woman sitting in front of me. My kindness was my greatest weapon against her. She was no match for the dignity I was showing her. Had I been angry or mean, I believe I would only have fueled my husband’s affair with her.
Later my husband told me that the kindness I had shown the other woman had really impacted him, and caused him to love, admire and respect me more than he already did.
So whether or not to meet the other woman or man is an individual decision. It is not the same for everyone. In most situations, it is likely not a good idea, but if you can go in kindness, and if it’s important to you, by all means go, and don’t let anyone else who isn’t in your shoes dictate to you what you need to heal.
If you do decide to go, be sure you are prepared to handle the worst case scenario with dignity. When facing difficult interactions like this, I always ask myself, what would I do right now if the whole world was watching? Would I be proud of my actions? Or will I later feel ashamed of the way I behaved? Two wrongs really never do make a right. And a bad reaction only serves to make a bad situation worse.
The question to ask yourself is what is your motive? If it’s to build up, encourage and to heal, by all means go. If it’s full of hatred, bitterness and revenge, to “give him/her a piece of your mind, it’s probably not going to benefit you. Remember, whatever you feed in life grows.
©Copyright 2005 Anne and Brian Bercht. All rights reserved.
You can purchase the Berchts’ book “My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me” by visiting http://www.passionatelife.ca/ where you’ll also find helpful advice and articles as well as information on the Beyond Affairs Network.
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