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Good Communication Is Critical for Children

The role model that you exhibit to the child will have an impact upon their relationship with the other persons they come into contact with as their lives progress. No one will forget each other’s reactions and comments to the events that are unfolding that at times will seem uncontrollable, but yet necessary. It is extremely unhealthy for a family to be forced to live together in an environment of confrontations and discord. The children’s ability to reflect favorably upon the attitude and analysis of your input and contribution to that child, will be remembered forever.

Nobody knows your children better than you do. You will be able to anticipate their questions and their reactions as you move into a discussion of most of the issues if you write down your basic concerns and objectives prior to presenting the children with the facts they need to know. The age of the child will dictate the level of the emotional issues that you discuss with them and what you can expect in their depth of understanding on those points. You cannot have a discussion with a four year old child about the same issues that you can discuss with a 16 year old teenager. The age of the child will dictate the topics that can be discussed, but planning those topics and the depth of the issues to be reviewed is an important step in your preparation.

Too much information all at once may be more than the child can handle, regardless of their age. While it is good to talk about the issues and encourage the child to relieve a lot of the internal stress the builds up during the divorce process, there are only so many delicate issues that may be discussed and resolved at one time. The most important issues should be discussed first as there will be time to discuss other issues in the future. If you feel that the discussion is not going in the direction you anticipated or that problems are beginning to arise that cannot be solved, then you should contact an experienced clinical psychologist to discuss how to proceed.

It is not fair to the child to make negative statements about the other parent as that child must continue to maintain a healthy relationship with that other parent. Repeated negative comments from one parent about the other causes incredible stress on that child and prevents that child from being able to maintain a health attitude toward marriage in general when it comes time for the child to develop a relationship with the opposite sex at some point in the future. Just because your relationship with your spouse did not last forever, it is no excuse to put a guilt trip on your children that makes it difficult for them to develop a meaningful relationship with other persons that they meet in the future. If you present the children with problems that they cannot rationally solve as time goes on, it will compound their inability to adjust and grow into the various stages of their life.