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The Need to Know the Details

“Sample of statistical analysis:

Hypothesis: A couple is more likely to stay married when the spouse answers their questions.

--59% of those who refused to answer questions were still married

--81% of those whose partner answered some of their questions were still married

--86% of those whose partner answered all their questions were still married

“Conclusion: The responses were shown to be “statistically significant” with a p value of <.001 (statistical significance being defined by p values less than .05).

“Note: Not only was the extent to which the spouse answered questions significantly associated with current marital status, but also the extent to which the spouse answered questions was significantly associated with personal recovery.

“Although many people find these results to be surprising, they were NOT surprising to me or to the other experts who agree with me, including John Gottman, Frank Pittman, Don-David Lusterman, Dave Carder, and the late Shirley Glass.

“I will gladly provide a copy of the full 119-page report on my survey.

First of all it is not unreasonable of you to want to know the details of your husband’s experience with the other woman. In my own personal experience, this was one of the key factors to healing our marriage. I could not tolerate another woman having intimacy with my husband. When my husband willingly shared the details of his experience with the other woman with me (at the rate with which I asked the questions and was ready and wanting to hear the truthful answers), I felt it broke the intimacy he shared with her. Another woman no longer had “secrets” with my husband.

Here is a quote from my book:

“Ask me anything you want about the affair,” Brian offered.