How to Communicate in a Healthy, Constructive Manner
continued
Instead of not listening, couples can learn to:
3. USE ACTIVE LISTENING
With Active Listening, the listener's job is purely to listen, without interruption, without adding anything to what the speaker has said. The key elements of Active Listening are to:
-Listen to understand: even if you don't agree with what you're partner is saying, pay attention and listen to it.
-Summarize: after you've heard them, paraphrase and repeat back what you heard. "So what I heard you say was..."
-Verify: when you are done summarizing what you heard your partner say, ask them, "Did I hear you correctly?" Let them give you feedback. Maybe you missed an important element of what they said. This is not a test and not about being right or wrong; it's about listening and your partner being heard.
-Be open and receptive for more input: when your partner has agreed that you have heard them on that one comment, ask them, "Is there anything else you want to say?" Let them know that they have the floor until they are finished getting everything out that they need to.
Instead of changing the subject, couples can learn to:
4. STAY ON ONE SUBJECT AT A TIME
By agreeing ahead of time to talk only about one topic and nothing else, couples can make significant progress on an issue. It may take several sessions to hear what each other has to say about a topic, just as it took some time for the feelings about it to develop. Be patient and keep talking.
By using this structured communication format, couples are forced to listen without interruption, and to take responsibility for what they are experiencing. While getting skillful at this format takes some practice, it is more than worth the effort when couples see that they have the power to transform repetitive hostile arguments into healing, solutions-focused discussions. And when this communication exercise is used in tandem with the method for resolving conflicts, couples have some very powerful and effective tools at their disposal.
The Relationship Institute, whose website is www.relationship-institute.com, is located at 27172 Woodward Avenue, Suite 200,Royal Oak, Michigan 48067. It’s main phone number is (248) 546-0407.
Other Related Articles:Article Archives
