Loving Ourselves
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2. Befriend and Nurture All Parts of Yourself - if there are parts of yourself from your past or present that you feel shame, embarrassment, guilt or inadequacy about, treat those parts as you would a sad or frightened child: with love, nurturing and warmth. These parts really need the healing power of love. Many forms of Inner Child work can be very helpful in this process, where you visualize yourself actually being with and nurturing a part of yourself or your past.
3. Confront Your Own Denial - looking at yourself honestly is another essential ingredient to loving yourself. Imagine stepping back from the drama of your own life, and looking at your relationship history totally objectively. What do you see? What are the themes? What are the successes? What are the recurring unhealthy patterns? Notice if you tend to deny certain problems or issues, or blame them on your partners. Take responsibility and become as healthy as you can be: you can only attract as healthy a partner as you are yourself! Whenever denial is present, you are living with a false sense of who you really are, which contributes to not loving your true self. And as anyone who has worked a recovery program will tell you, confronting your own denial is often the first and most essential step to genuine growth.
4. Access Healthy Inner Resources - once you have dismantled your Inner Critic, you then can take full advantage of all of the fabulous healthy resources available in your inner world. This can be anything from modeling healthy people you know (i.e. when confronted with a relationship challenge, ask yourself, "What would my healthy friend do in this situation?") to accessing inner spiritual guidance. Review methods or techniques you have ever practiced such as prayer, meditation, yoga, breathwork, bodywork or chanting. Notice which ones have been most helpful for you in opening up realms of peace, serenity, bliss and inner knowingness. Practice these techniques on a daily basis, and continue to learn new ways to deeply connect with your inner guidance. In this way, you honor the full range of gifts that you were born with, which makes it easier than ever to love the person that you are.
Take time to forge an honest, open relationship with all parts of yourself, even if you’ve spent your life running away from some of them. Befriend those parts. Accept without denial or distortion who you are, and acknowledge the many gifts that you bring to this life. Actualize your capacities for self-love and inner guidance. And remember that no one else can love a part of you that you disown, and no one else can make up for or give you what you cannot give yourself. So be gentle, kind, and forgiving of yourself, yet also challenge yourself to do more, be more, and honor the highest purpose of your existence. Only then can your heart’s true desire for love, companionship and deep connection be truly fulfilled.
The Relationship Institute, whose website is www.relationship-institute.com, is located at 27172 Woodward Avenue, Suite 200,Royal Oak, Michigan 48067. It’s main phone number is (248) 546-0407.
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