I Need A Partner to be Happy
continued
As Adrienne began to take better care of herself, she started to feel better. But she still felt that there was a hole in her life. She wanted a partner for companionship - to have dinner with, to go to a movie with, to travel with and play with.
"Adrienne," I said to her, "I understand that you would love to have a partner to do things with. But why can't you do these things with friends? I'm not saying to stop being open to finding a partner, but meanwhile, why not do these things with friends?"
"I don't have friends," she replied. "I have been so busy trying to find a partner that I haven't taken any time to develop friendships. When I don't have a date, I tend to isolate."
"How do you feel when you isolate?"
"I feel sad and lonely. That's why I think I need a partner to be happy. It just hasn't occurred to me that I could be doing fun things with friends."
"So, this is a major way that you have not been taking care of yourself. You have been allowing yourself to feel sad and lonely rather than taking care of yourself by developing friendships. Would you be willing to put yourself in places where you might meet people and to reach out for friendship?"
Adrienne agreed that she would do this. The next week in our phone session, she sounded much better. She had met an interesting woman at her daughter's soccer game and they had plans to meet for lunch.
As Adrienne devoted herself to developing close friendships, she stopped feeling sad and lonely. As a happier woman, she started meeting happier men. The last time I spoke with her, she was dating a man she really liked. And she was keeping up her friendships, determined to not make this man responsible for her happiness.
This article appears on http://www.alumbo.com/.
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