Ok. He’s back. Now what? Where’s his cell phone? I found it. He’s outside and my heart is about to burst out of my chest. Do I dare? Should I look? My curiosity has gotten the best of me. I have to look. I pick it up and look around to make sure he isn’t coming in side. This phone is so different than mine. Where’s the freaken call log? Ok, I found it. My hand is shaking as I touch the button. There are no calls. How odd. What does that mean?

He’s been back home a month now. Things have been awkward at best. It’s just not the same as it was before he left. I’m insecure. I don’t understand why he left. I now have abandonment issues. I’m not a high maintenance kind of gal. I really enjoy the simple things in life. I really love my husband and my son. I love being a wife and mother. Am I loosing my dream? I honestly don’t know. I keep asking my husband if we should go to counseling and he just keeps telling me that we are fine. He’ll even go as far to say we are great. We have sex one, two or even three times a day. We should be feeling closer. Shouldn’t we? We have started going back to church so that’s a good thing but I can’t put my finger on it. Something isn’t right.

Hum, there’s his cell phone again. Should I look? Something tells me to look. I find the call log….

“Sonya”

“Sonya”

“Sonya”

“Sonya”

“Sonya”

My stomach drops. I have to run to the bathroom. I’m throwing up uncontrollably. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. He can’t be. Oh God no! My husband comes in to the bathroom and asks if I’m ok. I just tell him I have an upset stomach but the truth of the matter is that I just think I found out that he’s cheating on me.

I few days later I get an email from someone from his work. The email simply says, “Watch Him.” Oh, NO! The next night “Sonya” called the house and I answered it. She’s upset and wants to talk to my husband apparently she was fired and needs some consoling. My husband doesn’t leave the house but he go into another room and whispers in the phone. I just start shaking and crying. He gets off the phone and I tell him that I never what him to talk to her again. He tells me that it’s not what I think and that he’ll never talk to her again. She has asked for help with her resume and he asked if he could help her with it and I say absolutely not! He says that’s fine and he’ll have nothing to do with her again. Ok, that seemed easy. Maybe he’s not cheating after all. Maybe my imagination is getting the better of me.

Ok, I’m starting to feel better. I’m starting to feel like I have my family back. I go and get the mail like I do almost every day and I see a letter to my husband from a bank that’s not ours. That’s odd. I open it. It’s a card from an account manager thanking him for opening up a checking account. I start shaking all over. Oh, this is not good.

I confront him when he gets home. He basically acts like it’s no big deal. He told me that he and some other guy wanted to start their own business. He goes and gets the paperwork to show me. Apparently they are supposed to be partners but the other guys name isn’t listed on the account and it’s not listed on the DBA. Oh, this is not good. Now I find out that he has a P.O. Box. Oh, this is very very bad. He has seriously cross the line with this one.

He left in October and now it’s January. There have been so many signs but I keep telling myself it can be true. After all this is the same guy that would get mad if he saw some guy in a movie have an affair. I’m just taking it one day at a time. This is interesting. He left his email open. Oh, NO! There are emails from “Sonya”. My heart is racing as I click on the emails. I see one email where she tells him that she’ll take him back in a second if he were to walk in her door and tell her that he’ll marry her!!! Oh, NO!

I confront him that night. He knows something is wrong. I tell him that he left his email open and that I saw the emails from “Sonya” and that I know about them. He just looks at me and crosses his arms. He asks me what the emails said and I told him that he knew what they said. He leaves the room for a few minutes and comes back. He tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me and that the “Sonya” chick is psycho. He tells me that she has made up some stuff in her head that they’re together but it’s not true. She’s just NUTS. Hum.

It’s now a week or two later and I’m not feeling quite right. I think I’m late. I can’t be late. I’m on birth control that is 98% to 99% effective. I’m just going to go to the doctor to be sure. Well I go to the doctor and they basically blow me off. They know what kind of birth control I’m on and they’ve never had anyone get pregnant on it. However, I insist on the test and I wait for the results. The nurse comes in with this baffled look on her face and tells me that the test came back positive. Oh, NO! I feel like my life is falling apart. I can’t be pregnant!