All right, now I’m pregnant. Deep breath. I’ve been crying practically every day since that dark day in October and now I need to prepare myself to welcome another child into this world not really knowing if his or her daddy will up and leave again. Oh. Deep breath. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.

Well my husband agreed to go to a marriage workshop with me. That’s got to be a good sign. Things seem to be moving in the right direction. I am a broken woman. I need to heal so badly. I’m taking this one-day at a time. Breathe.

I feel like I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Everything seems to be working out. We’re communicating well and even though I’m pregnant we’re having a significant amount of sex. Hopefully this nastiness is behind us. I’m now eight months pregnant. I feel like I don’t have to concentrate so much on my marriage and I can now start preparing to bring our baby into this world. Just incase your curious; we’re having a girl!

I need to go to my OB-GYN appointment but I have to pick up my son from school first. I pick him up and I run home real quick to pick up something I forgot. I notice that the light on the answering machine is blinking so I press the button. First message, it’s “Sonya” asking me to call her. Second message, it’s “Sonya” asking me to call her. Third message, its “Sonya” saying that she’s been having an affair with my husband for the past year.   I can’t deal with this now. I need to go to my OB-GYN appointment. I load my son in the car and we start driving the doctor. The cell phone rings. It’s “Sonya”.

I can’t freaken do this! I stare at my cell phone. I know this phone call is going to change the rest of my life. I take a deep breath and click “answer”. At first she is quiet. We’re just listening to the other breathe. It feels like an eternity before the silence breaks. She starts off by begging me for my forgiveness. I’m just quiet. She goes on to say that my husband had been pursuing her for over a year before the affair started. She said that he was always bringing her breakfast and taking her to lunch. She told me that my husband was always telling her how bad our marriage was and that I wasn’t affectionate with him. She told me the reason that she and I went out a few times was for her to figure out what kind of person I was. She wanted to she for herself if I was as bad as what she was led to believe. She even went as far to tell me that she actually liked me and that I was always really nice to her. She told me that she broke up with her boyfriend of six years to be with my husband. (Apparently the plan was for her to breakup with her boyfriend and for my husband to leave my son and me so they could be together and get married.) She told me that my husband would show up at her house early in the morning and they would have sex. (He told me that he was going to the gym to workout. Apparently he was getting a workout but he wasn’t going to the gym.) She told me that they didn’t always use protection. She told me that the last time she slept with my husband was the Friday before. She told me that my husband has given her thousands of dollars to help her pay her taxes and for other things. She told me that she had received numerous presents from him and that this past Christmas he had given her a pair of diamond earrings. She said that she had found the receipt in his truck for the earrings and that they were over a thousand dollars. She told me that she was positive that even if they broke things off that he was going to cheat on me again. She told me that he had been bringing my son around her. She told me that she introduced him to her daughter and son, as well as, other family members. She told me that he was going to leave me right after I have the baby. She told me…well lets just say she had told me enough.

Funny. I really don’t feel anything. I feel like I’m not even in my own body. It feels like someone else is controlling my body and I’m just tagging along. The nurse calls me back. We have a little chat like we always do. She checks my weight. She checks my blood pressure. My blood pressure is actually normal. That’s interesting. My cell phone starts ringing. I don’t have to look at it to know who it is. It’s my husband’s ring tone. I just ignore it.  It rings again. This time my son takes it out of my bag and answers it and being the four-year-old that he is he quickly hangs up the phone by folding it closed. The doctor comes in and we have our little chat and exam as the phone continues to ring. He asks me if I need to answer the phone and told him that I didn’t. The exams over and the baby’s fine. At least the baby is fine because mommy is so not fine.

It’s time to go home. I just finished buckling my son and getting into the vehicle when the phone rings again. Deep breath. I answer the phone. It’s my husband. He asks me why I wasn’t answering my phone and I just simply told him I was at the doctors when he called. He asks me if I’m ok and I tell him I’m fine. It feels like he is thinking. Then he tells me that he’s been debating on whether to tell me something and he’s just decided to go ahead and tell me. Hum. He tells me that he got a call from the “psycho” and she’s been going through therapy and that she was going to call me and he asked me not to take her call. He told me that nothing was going on between them and we just need this “psycho” out of our lives. I told him that I already talked to her. He goes silent. He then asks what she said. I told him that he knows d@mn well what she said. He goes silent. He then tells me that it was the biggest mistake of his life. I told him that I couldn’t do this right now. He told me that it was over and has been for awhile and I said that must be why you f@#$ed her this past Friday. With that I hang up the phone.

I’m home now. I have no idea if my husband is going to come home or not. I don’t know if I care. I look around the house and see everything that we’ve collected and bought together over the years. Funny. I don’t want any of it. I hear the garage door open. This should be interesting. My husband comes in and you can tell that he is shaken. He comes over to hug me and I told him not to touch me. We put a movie on for our son and we go to the back bedroom to talk. We stare at each other for awhile. Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I look at him and say, “What have you done?”