Posted By: SamanthaWho on Feb. 13, 2008 at 11:11 AM

Surviving infidelity and coping with the infidelity of a cheating spouse. Learn the signs of infidelity as well as how to recognize emotional infidelity.

I’ve told my husband that I refuse to have any sexual relations with him until he is tested for STD’s.   He said that it wasn’t a problem and he went to get tested that same week. It took awhile before the results come back but when they come in he tells me that they are all negative. I told him that I needed to hear the results for myself. I’m sorry but his word just isn’t good enough anymore and I can’t risk getting some sort of crap from him especially when there is a baby growing inside me.

 

I’m an absolute wreck I’m so freaken sick of crying. We have been going to counseling and the counselor keeps telling me that need to block the memories out of my mind if I want to move forward. I keep asking him how one does that and he simply tells me that I have to make a choice. Basically I can choose to relive those painful emotions everyday or I can choose not to.

 

Through this process my husband has agree to do anything that I need from him to repair our marriage. I just pray that he is genuine and this isn’t some sort of sick honeymoon phase. He has promised me the following:

 

 

List of ways “H” will be trustworthy

 

  • I will wear my wedding ring everyday
  • I will communicate my itinerary to my wife daily
  • I will allow my cell phone and vehicle to be tracked
  • I will be faithful to my wife
  • I will not be a flirt
  • I will not have any personal female friends
  • I will not have one on one contact or communication with females unless it is strictly business related
  • I will not lie or be dishonest
  • I will be an example for my children
  • I will be loving, kind, loyal & respectful to my wife
  • I will not open any new accounts without my wife’s knowledge
  • I will communicate better with my wife
  • I will promise to communicate with my wife if there is anything bothering me about our relationship
  • I promise to be committed to my marriage
  • I will not abandon my wife
  • I promise to do everything on my part to fight for my marriage
  • I will communicate my feelings to my wife so we can work on any outstanding issues together.
  • I will spend quality one on one time with my wife on a regular basis
  • I will hold my wife and family to the highest esteem.
  • I will review these items on a weekly basis

 

 

I promise that I will commit to these items and hold them true to my heart.

 

Signed “H”

 

I know it sounds good but words mean nothing to me right now. Too many lies. Too much deception. I need to see actions. I need to know that he truly means what he says. Time will tell. Right now I am hopeful.

 

 

 

 

7 Comments

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Sam,
I don't quite understand where your councellor is coming from when they say you need to block the memories. That is not an easy thing to do. From what I've read, most of the people who chose to stay with their spouse dealt with it on a daily basis until they didn't need to anymore. Until all their questions were answered..... It seems almost like saying that I'm sorry a loved one has died try not to think about it???? I hope your H shows you with actions that he is completely commited to you and your marriage......I will pray for you, your baby and him to pull through this mess.

Posted By Starting again at 46 on Feb. 13, 2008 at 11:32 AM


I actually hear the same advice from my counselor. He tells me that what we are feeling is perfectly normal, but it is ultimately our decision when things are going to get better. I am being told that my marriage cannot progress to the next level of healing until I have let go of all the memories. In other words, I am holding on to them because it justifies how I feel some days. You are right however about the factor of time. Also sincere prayer and applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ to my marriage have done more for me than anything else. You are in my prayers as well.

Posted By unbeLIEvable on Feb. 13, 2008 at 3:32 PM


Unbelievable,,,
guess I'm still to angry and hurt. I can't imagine ever ever forgeting what he's done to me to us to our family. When things will never be what they were how does one forget or choose to forget. Guess I'd better start asking God for help.......Is this the newest form of therapy that will change in another 2 years??? oops we found it better to feal and deal with the pain and then file it away.

Starting Again

Posted By Public Guest on Feb. 13, 2008 at 6:03 PM


Starting, I wish I make it all better for all of us here. I am only regurgitating the advice of my own counselor. The only reason I tend to agree with it is because I have found that it parallels the truths given to us in the Bible and I cannot ignore it. I truly believe that Satan wants us to hold on to the hurt. He wants us to be angry for a long time and wallow in our misery, and he wants us to be full of hate. He can't make us though; he can only coerce us into those evils. Focus on the forgiveness, and find the path to a healthy and loving life again. We can all do it if we strive for it.

Posted By unbeLIEvable on Feb. 13, 2008 at 11:55 PM


Hey Sam, that is a really great list of promises and commitments you have for your husband. I have to ask, is that something you came up with or was it from him? Or even your counselor? In any case, I really like it. Of course, all of it is common sense stuff that most of us promised when we said, "I do". Unfortunately, all of us here have a spouse that forgot and needed reminding. Just wanted to tell you keep up the faith!

Posted By unbeLIEvable on Feb. 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM


Un,
Your right forgiveness is the way and some days I'm quite good at it but then....some days I'm not. I will work at it and your post makes a lot of sense to me......thank you....it helps to let go of the anger, I feel better when I do.

Posted By Starting again at 46 on Feb. 14, 2008 at 11:00 AM


Un,

This was something our counselor suggested that my husband do. However, these are my husband's words. He choose them and wrote them down.

He seems to be really trying. He's been taking classes on how to be a real man, as well as, how to better understand women. He gets a little upset with me when I say it "seems" like he's trying. He says that he really is trying and that there is no "seems" about it.

Like I said...I'm taking it one day at a time.

Posted By SamanthaWho on Feb. 14, 2008 at 11:10 AM


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