I found this site today after my denial lifted just a peek.  Glad I could find a site like this.
  My husband and I got married a little over a year ago.  He's alcoholic.  I knew that at the time and supported him in a lovingly detached way towards the recovery that he wanted.  After we got married though, he started to drink outrageously and also reactivated his coke addiction.  It was hell.  He'd leave with no destination indicated and come home in the morning or full-on the next day.  He started to try to 'make up' for things....
  I first heard a vicious rumor that he had had a fling with a vial girl that we work with.  Apparently it happened two months after we were married.  I believed him when he said he didn't.  Our first year of marriage progressed and he began to verbally abuse and manipulate me.
    I stayed because I knew that I hadn't made a mistake in choosing him to marry and had faith that he would find the help he wanted and needed for his addictions.  We'd been together before marriage for 1 1/2 years and we'd been friends for 6-7 yrs before that.  All wonderful.  All loving and honest and fair.  He was intelligent, loyal, generous and totally devoted to me and our amazing life together.  I figured I could weather the storms till he hit the wall that guide him to recovery.  Well, it came.
  A few months ago he came home drunk and attacked me physically, thowing slow fists...and when he couldn't land a punch he threw drawers.  I called the police.  They put a no-contact order on us, which has been peaceful, but I can't heal everything on my own.  I'm still waiting.
  Since the cops took him away, I found out the extent of his infidelity...he would make up some fake thing to be mad at me for, tell me wanted a divorce (out of the blue!), go to the bar, pick up some random girl, and go home with them.  In the next few days, he'd lavish extreme love or hate on me.  It was incomprehensible.  He's very attractive and can make a girl feel very special.  It's obvious to me that it was easy for him.  He lied so much.  I'm devastated.
  My recovery has been alanon, an awesome sponsor, abuse counselling, a family program related to his rehab, tons of great friends and generally getting my life back together.  His recovery has been extensive rehab, 90 days clean of alcohol, 90 days clean of pot, 130 days clean of coke, anger management, treatment for anxiety, ADD, and a whole new life.  I have no idea who he is now.
  I know in my heart that I can forgive him for all the drugs and rages and all the behavior related to that....but infidelity?  How do you forgive for that?  Is it even possible?  How does one accept the reality of it and move past the disgust and humiliation of this kind of sickness?
  Our first contact after 3 1/2 months may be in marriage counselling.  I have no idea how to even approach the one-night fantasies he had.  I believe that it was all related to chasing highs, but....  I'd rather block it out than think about it.  It's the last part of my own recovery that I've been able to access my feelings for.
  So confused.  So needing relief.  Lavatera.