Surviving infidelity and coping with the infidelity of a cheating spouse. Learn the signs of infidelity as well as how to recognize emotional infidelity.
My husband is an alcoholic. He has no intentions of getting help. He would rather drink every day, get drunk, go online trolling for ho's (and if this applies to someone reading this...yes I said HO) to hook up with than be a man in a marriage with four beautiful wonderful kids and a woman who absolutely adores him...
So I ask you, what does this say about me? My first thought is that I am the dumbest person in the world..my second thought is that my husband has the lowest opinion of me if hecould just do this over and over with no qualms at all.
He has said he is sorry. He has said he still loves me, and granted, these women he has f___ed don't even know his real self..they know this bullshit persona that he createdforhis online escapades. It is everything he wished his life was, and itworks because it is all in cyberspace..
I don't understand how he could NOT know the depth the pain me and the kids feel, we feel BETRAYED...yet he doesn't want anyone to constantly remind him that he is a shmuck!!! So the marriage is over, just like that. I am miserable. I don't want my drunk husband back....I want my husband to wake up and say "this is bullshit...what am I doing?"
At the beginning of this year I started working on my doctorate, while working part- time..We have bills to pay. He encouraged this, knowing what he had been doing. So now here I am in this massive pressure cooker, trying to hold it all together. Sometimes I just don't think I can. Icryforhours.
any suggestions?
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I am sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard it is to try to keep everything together when you are dying inside. Please know, what he has done had nothing to do with YOU. It was how little he viewed himself, his own selfishness and addictions. It has no bearing on your worth. Please believe that.
Please also, consider posting in the forum. You will get a lot of support there. There isn't a lot of action in the blogs, but you will find a very caring and supportive community in the forum who will help get you through this.
Best of luck to you.
Posted By coconutgirl on Jul. 17, 2008 at 5:25 PM
until he can face that he has addictions, nothing will change....
I had to face i had an addiction to porn, cyberporn.... it has sucked a lot of us in!
There are feelings he is trying to cover & bury in his drinking, but until he is ready to face that monster inside, i dont know there is anything you can do to help.
My wife confronted me about my online porn addiction after my affair, and its been a hard road especially when our relationship is - as so aptly termed "on the rollercoaster from hell"
I try each day...I started keeping a diary of "acts of service for my wife" and another of "nice things my wife has done for me" it helps - sometimes. Last night was not a good night - i said the wrong thing again.... So today i try all over.
Live each day, one at a time.
Posted By ohiobenz on Aug. 3, 2008 at 1:54 PM
i am still crying after a year sorry to say, but I know someday I will feel better, other days I too feel numb. The internet is something else all right. That's where my H. met his F___ing pig. I agree that ANYONE who knowingly gets involved with a married person is lower than the dogs__T on the bottom of my shoe. My H. not only did the online meeting but was also into internet porn for a long time. He also had quite a collection. I have tried to explain how that made me feel. So unattractive, repelled etc. These people to me seem to be so into their own needs wants and desires that we as BS are just forgotten or just not important. I should not have been surprised that he went as far as an affair because that is also all about him. I had a discussion while this was all going on about going back to school and thought it weird my H. did not seem to support it or care for that matter other than for the money it would cost. (I didn't know about the A at the time) For me it would have all gone down the tubes so good thing I didn't do it then, but going on it still something I want to do. You go for it if you can. That coaster has a lot of cars on it because I 'm on one too.
Posted By Public Guest on Aug. 6, 2008 at 6:44 AM
Wow. I am sorry that you are going through this. If you have to cry then cry. ME I just can't cry anymore cause I cried for months. Just numb. But you can go on. A doctorate? You go girl! Don't let this situation stop you, let it motivate you.
I wasn't sure if you said that you were going to stay with him or not. But him being an alcoholic doesn't help either. The " trolling for ho's" sounds like his second addiction. I just wish he could admit to both of those addictions and it would be a start. But as for you, do what you need to do. I'm not telling you to leave or stay because that is not my decision, but what I can recommend is don't forget yourself. Take care of you along the process, hopefully you will know what you want. I hope this helps, because I am new to this bullsh*t, it sad that we all have experience this. Arrgh!!
Posted By starrlite77 on Jul. 17, 2008 at 9:25 AM