Surviving infidelity and coping with the infidelity of a cheating spouse. Learn the signs of infidelity as well as how to recognize emotional infidelity.
I found out six weeks ago that my H had a "short" affair with someone he met at work. She doesn't work there - she was just there - anyway.
We have been married 14 years, have four kids and I THOUGHT we were ok. Now I know that he not only had internet affairs, but got a "hand job" from a woman when he was away on business, and now, this time, actually dated and slept with another woman.
He told me because she told her husband, that she was and is in the process of divorcing, and the other husband called mine and told him if he didn't tell me he would.
I sent her a horrible email, letting her know the trash I think she is and a few days later I got an email from her husband. We became friends and he has been a rock for me. So much so that I realized we were basically having an emotional affair and I have distanced myself from him. We still have some communication but not much.
How do people get over this, how do they ever trust again, how do they find forgiveness?
We have started therapy, a 12-week session. I've promised I won't leave until we are done, but honestly I won't ever leave because of our kids. I will either find a way to get over this or live the rest of my life faking it and crying when no one is looking.
Anyway, who knows if anyone will read this but it was good to write it down.
My heart goes out to anyone who has ever gone through this, it is all encompassing and devestating.
Good luck to you all!
12 Comments
You must be a member to Rate this entry:
Rated 0 times in 313 views.
Report to Moderator
Comments
We're about in the same boat. I've been married for 14 yrs...we have 3 young daughters...and I found out 6 weeks ago. We're doing counseling but I'm just not getting anything out of it. I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same. He wouldn't give me her name and it pisses me off that she's all safe and sound with her husband. He has a right to know! Hang in there!
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 10:55 AM
We're about in the same boat. I've been married for 14 yrs...we have 3 young daughters...and I found out 6 weeks ago. We're doing counseling but I'm just not getting anything out of it. I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same. He wouldn't give me her name and it pisses me off that she's all safe and sound with her husband. He has a right to know! Hang in there!
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 10:56 AM
We had our second counseling appt. last night. It seems to be going well. I think that our counselor would have insisted he tell you the name of the woman. I agree that would drive me insane. Your mind just keeps spiraling out of control. I actually went to the OW works web site and looked at all the men working there. I seriously considered calling each of their wives to warn them. I gained control and didn't do it but I really want to.
Anyway, I think our counseling is going well because of my H attitude. He is really presenting himself as regretful and certain that he will never do it again. At times I think he might be hurting almost as much as me.
Anyway, good luck and write anytime. A good support system is really important.
Posted By Public Guest on Jul. 24, 2008 at 1:29 PM
btw, that was me - whatsnext - in that last entry.
Posted By Public Guest on Jul. 24, 2008 at 1:31 PM
Thanks! I know my H is terribly sorry and ashamed for what he did. I probably even trust that he won't do it again. I just don't know if I can get past it. One minute I want to be near him...the next minute I want to drop kick him! lol Counseling just isn't doing too much for me. BTW...he won't give her name because they are both military and I could end both of their careers. It's frustrating to say the least. Thanks for writing back!
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 3:15 PM
I ALWAYS said I'd leave too! You really never know until it happens to you. I started working out too. It's necessary. I actually taped some pics of him to a punching bag and went to town! Sounds funny, but man is it satisfying! I've only been able to have sex with him once since then (hope that's not TMI)...and I bawled the whole da*n time. I just can't bring myself to flirt with him knowing that he was choosing someone else and lying to me the whole time! Ugh! Marriage before military...I like that! And I promise to curse at all white volvos from now on! :)
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 3:57 PM
You're funny! That's a totally healthy way to think. Now here's ME sounding like a snob...I always thought I was the "hotter" of the two of us. Sounds wierd since I have pretty low self esteem but I look damn good...even for my age and 3 kids later (including twins!). And HE'S the one attracted to someone else?! And she's married w/ kids of her own...not some hot supermodel half my age!! I just can't understand it! He always made me feel like I was IT for him and now I just can't believe that. Now I'm rambling. It's so good to talk to someone in the same situation (not that I want someone to be going thru this). Thanks!
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 5:10 PM
No, thank you. It is good to talk with someone else in the same situation. It makes all the difference.
As you are a military wife, I assume you are away from family and friends, maybe not, but it is so important to have someone to lean on.
I don't know exactly how this website works, I just ran across it, but I would be happy to be a penpal of sorts. I don't want to put my email in the public blog because (of course) it is my real name.
Where I live my husband will be home anytime from work (east coast). So I don't really have time to figure it out tonight. I'll look into it tomorrow and maybe we can help each other out. It is such a tough situation.
Have a good night and good luck.
Posted By whatsnext on Jul. 24, 2008 at 5:27 PM
Yeah, that'd be good. There's gotta be a way to get you my email w/out it being public. Hmmmm. As far as the military goes...husband is just reserves now. He was a pilot in the Navy for 9 yrs. Unfortuately we settled near his parents and mine are in Oregon (far away). His folks think he can do no wrong. My friends are great but just don't really understand (how can they?) I just try to avoid talking w/ them about it because I think it makes them uncomfortable. Anyway, I'll check back tomorrow. Thanks again!
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 24, 2008 at 5:35 PM
crh319 - sorry I've been out of contact a few days. We got really busy with our little towns annual fair.
I hope all is going well, or as well as can be expected for you. I know it is tough when the H is home. Assuming he has a regular work schedule like mine, weekends can be a bit tough.
Anyway, I look into the whole email thing on Mon.
Bye
Posted By whatsnext on Jul. 26, 2008 at 2:45 PM
Yeah...the weekends are VERY hard. We had a bad one. I think we are headed for divorce. He took his ring off and quit going to counseling. He told me he didn't think I was gonna ever get over it so I can go ahead and file for divorce if I want to. Maybe it's for the best. Talk to ya later.
Posted By crh319 on Jul. 28, 2008 at 7:24 AM
Sorry for your hurt. My SO's affair was long term and emotional as well as physical. I wonder what is worse. Take care.
Posted By michellesrival on Jul. 22, 2008 at 4:21 PM